Sugar n Spice

Feminist? ME!?!?

2011-12-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

There aren't many topics such as politics, society's views, or religion that can get me fired up except for those that indicate the woman should be in the kitchen, barefoot and/or pregnant.

I don't know about you but for me, the word "feminism" conjures up bras burning, combat boots, army fatigues and very masculine-looking, and somewhat frightening females...none of which I consider myself to be or to embrace. Lately I've come to the conclusion that while I do not fit the stereotypical bill of a "feminist", or rather a "radical feminist", I do subscribe to the notion of equality between men and women...especially in a partnership or marriage.

While I do understand that most men hold positions of manual labor while women typically hold positions of office bitches or paper pushers, I do think that both jobs can be equally stressful...mentally, if not even physically, at some points. As an IT Tech in a previous life, I was constantly lifting, bending, running, walking, pushing, pulling, and busting my ass on computer components including the antique 19" CRT monitors that weigh 70lbs each. These stresses on my body would give me migraines and back/shoulder pains. Not to mention that some days the stress of dealing with the unbelievable deadlines or the demands of the diva users was not worth getting out of bed for. Do I even need to go into the "dangers" of sitting at a desk and staring at a computer screen for 7-8 hours a day??

Even office bitches (female OR male) have job stressors. Have you ever worked for an asshole boss? How about a lecherous co-worker who teeters on the fine line between couth and uncouth?

The point of this ramble is that I think that when a couple comes together as DINKs they need to share life chores and decisions equally. It's part of being a partnership.

Making life decisions are made together such as painting a room, changing jobs, buying a house, a car, a horse. They frequently join their bank accounts...so...

Grocery shopping should always be done together to avoid the imminent question of: "Why didn't you get any _____?"...not to mention the fact that both of you eat the food.

House cleaning should always be done together because, lets face it, who is lucky enough to never shed an eyelash or a follicle of skin...you both made the mess, you should both clean it up. Don't even get me started on bathroom messes!

Yard work should always be done together as well. Now, out of the chores I mentioned above, yard work is the bane of my existence. I hate it. I detest it. I can't fucking stand it. But, I can see one person mow and the other weed the garden.

Then we move onto the one huge decision that so many people ask couples about (seemingly) endlessly: procreating.

This is another life decision that needs to be made as a partnership. If neither of you want kids then congratulations on finding each other in such a huge pro-procreation pond. This is a decision that only the couple should make...not friends, not family, and sure as hell not religion. For some it might not be an easy decision however for others the choice might be clear. Either way the choice should be accepted and respected.

Personally, I can't find anything more annoying and pushy than repeated questioning of whether or not you are going to have kids. Apparently just because you get engaged, that's everyone's next "logical" question. It seems everyone is wired to get married and have babies (not necessarily in that order) and when I tell people we are not going to have children, I get a look like I just grew a second head.   Frankly, I'm sick and fucking tired of it. Only ONCE did someone (who happens to have kids) respond with "Good for you, I'm glad you guys know what you want". Thank you, April, your open mindedness is treasured.

While I didn't intend for this blog to go all out and appear defensive, I do feel that everyone's choices need to be respected and accepted, especially when it comes to their life decisions. I don't ask you to make your life decisions based on what I want and I expect the same respect.

Society has become this traditional, predictable, judgmental machine...I just want to be accepted for who I am as opposed to who I'm expected to be.

Dieting Hell: The Count is Over

2011-08-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of counting calories.
I'm tired of weighing myself.
I'm up 3 lbs in the last almost 2 weeks. Not too bad but not ideal.

I'm not going to go back to eating like crap but I'm not going to return to 500 calories a day.

I feel better eating what I want in moderation and picking up some exercise daily.

The Boyfriend has a crock pot full of veggies and pot roast. That's definitely not diet food but as long as we don't eat the whole roast at one meal I think we'll be fine.

I'm getting a wisdom tooth ripped from my head next week so I'll probably be on a liquid/soft food diet for awhile, I'm already trying to find soft foods since it's been bothering me.

Dieting sucks.

Overall, while the HCG diet was horrible, I'm glad I lost a few pounds, I wish it were more but we weren't the most diligent after a few weeks. Boredom will do that to you. At least I'm back to where I was before The Boyfriend moved in. Haha

Every time I try to diet or eat better, I always curse diets and weight. Why wasn't I blessed with a great metabolism? My family tends to the heavier side so I do have to start watching myself now that I'm in my 30's and weight will be easier to put on and harder to take off.

I would prefer doing so on my own terms and at my own pace.

For someone who is looking for a quick jump start to their weight loss, I do suggest HCG however I will say "Be prepared, it sucks".

Thanks for reading my blogs. Maybe I'll come back with a new, more interesting topic(s).

The end (of the diet).

Dieting Hell: Day 29

2011-08-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

So back on the diet wagon...right after we finish the damn leftovers that are in the fridge. Why is it so hard to make the right eating choices? And why is it so easy to fall off the wagon and then eat the damn wagon!? That's what I feel like I've done this weekend.

Friday started with a wisdom tooth issue (that is still bugging me) and a horrible headache so I ordered pizza at 930am when the damn pizza place doesn't open until 10 and won't deliver until 11. I popped a few 222's and grabbed my work laptop and headed for the couch for my daily work meeting. Thankfully our lead gave us the afternoon off so I was able to nap off the last of the headache and most of the tooth ache. Friday evening brought friends who have been out of town for the last few weeks and the choice of Avocados Mexican or BBQ at our place. Since our house was a disaster and I was too out of sorts to want to clean it up, we opted for Avocados...again, nachos were calling my name...and a frigging pina colada...thanks Jen, for planting that seed!

Saturday started out decent...ONE piece of leftover pizza and the anticipation of BBQ later that evening at my parent's annual party. I made some of my fresh pico de gallo for the party and had to taste test with a few chips. :) Once we arrived at my parent's house it was "what diet!?" We had barbecued Chinese pork, Tim's famous pin-wheels (tortillas filled with ham, creme cheese, jalapenos, green chilies, all rolled up and sliced), my salsa, chips, guacamole (made by a real Mexican...as opposed to me...hahaha), and then for dinner there were all sorts of salads: potato, macaroni, layered, pasta; burgers and brats (fortunately the burgers had those thin buns and not the huge, carby buns), and then cookies. Not to mention the Coronas and a few mixed drinks that I had. Sigh...

Sunday was our day to float the river from Arlington to Silvana and we were a tad bit hungover so we started the day out with a horribly fatty breakfast and then headed north, grabbed an 18 pack of Coors Light and hit the cold river. The Boyfriend and I were poorly prepared so we ended up freezing most of the trip as our floaties were of the type where most of us was in the water at all times. The others were nice enough to hold some of our beer and my smokes and they also brought sun screen instead of me who slathered up and left the bottle in the car. We worked off our beer and breakfast while trying to avoid the many obstacles in the Skykomish river: rocks, sand bars, trees, twigs, logs. We had to go pick the dogs up at my parents house so we ended up having dinner there as well since they had lots of leftover burgers and hot dogs from their party. And of course ma sent us home with some of each and other leftovers such as potato and mac salad, chips, salsa, buns and cookies.

I don't even want to know how many calories I consumed this weekend, all I know is that my face and lips are sunburnt and my abs and back are sore from trying to stay in an upright position on our bad floaties. And I'm fairly dehydrated. We have leftovers to eat and I feel like I've gained 20 lbs in the last few days. I was too chicken shit to get on the scale this morning but I'm sure I haven't gained more than a pound or two, at the most.

Even after sleeping 9 hours last night, I feel like I could go back to bed...but there's work to be done. Here's to a new week...

Bad Food Weekend (Day's 25-28)

2011-08-27T12:44:00.000-07:00

So I've been a bad girl...staying up late and not blogging, drinking alcohol, had pizza AND nachos yesterday. My excuse is that I felt bad. Bad excuse.

Tonight we have another party/bbq to attend so I know it's going to be another bad food day. I am going to have to jump back on the wagon come Sunday or Monday. I haven't weight myself since Thursday morning and the only good news was that I had only gained 0.6 lbs in a week...even after being somewhat bad. So I'm only down 11.6 lbs but still that's 11.6 lbs lost and not gained.

I hope to be back full force Sunday night or Monday with updates.

Enjoy the sunshine, I'm off to shower and tackle the day.

Dieting Hell: Day 24

2011-08-24T21:39:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled today: 1245
Weight dropped as of this morning: 12.4 as far as I know...I'm still afraid of the scale

Why is it now that I've upped my calorie limit I tend to go over it? It must be that I'm giving myself more freedom and I'm eating more crap.

I had nachos today. Again. What is it with me and goddamn nachos!? I only put cheese, onion, fat free sour cream, and pico de gallo on them and they are 441 calories!!! That's insane.

Besides nachos I had an awesome breakfast that The Boyfriend made: egg white and onion scramble with cheddar cheese, bacon, and toast. I've missed bread so very much. I piled the bacon and eggs on my toast and made little sammiches and damn they were good!

I tried to eat an apple dipped in a bit of peanut butter but the apple was flavorless and mealy so I tossed it and then had peanut butter in a bowl...what to do with this peanut butter!? Ooh, bread. Open faced peanut butter sammich...aww ya baby!

Before I knew it, it was 8pm and The Boyfriend was still golfing and I was hungry but not terribly hungry so I skipped dinner and had some strawberries with sour cream angel food cake and a drizzle of chocolate instead. I could have skipped the (fat free) angel food cake however we have a few slices left and it needs to be eaten before it goes bad. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

After seeing what I've been eating and how many calories I've been consuming, makes me wonder what my daily calorie count was pre-diet. Kind of scary considering there were days when we would eat out more than once. While I know eating out isn't healthy, especially multiple times a day, it was something I didn't think about. I just found a website that has Subway's nutritional information and I "made" my favorite turkey breast sammich and after cheese, ranch, and veggies, it's only 350 calories for a 6" sub and is 9.7g of fat with cheese. The damn cheese itself is 4g of fat!

Maybe tomorrow morning I'll weigh myself and hopefully have a lower weight to report...fingers crossed!

Dieting Hell: Day 23

2011-08-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled today: 1,229
Weight dropped as of this morning: holding steady at 12.4

Today was a lower-cal day to redeem myself for the debauchery of the last two days. I ended up having a horrible sweet tooth today and had a yummy strawberry and angel food cake dish for lunch. My justification: we have to finish the angel food cake before it goes bad. That and the strawberries we've been getting lately are divinely perfect in every way.

The Boyfriend had a grilled cheese with bacon, tomato and onion sammich the other day and wanted to recreate them for dinner tonight. He got some 50-calorie-a-slice whole wheat bread (that is quite yummy) and he slapped some cheese, a slice of tomato, some grilled red onions (which we decided we don't like grilled like we do Walla Walla onions), and 2 slices of oven baked, thick cut Hempler bacon on it and pan grilled it to perfection with a touch of butter on the outside of the sammich. When I was entering all the ingredients into my food diary, I was shocked and appalled to find out that a tablespoon of salted butter has an amazing amount of calories in it: 102 to be exact. Fortunately he didn't use a whole tablespoon so I was able to breathe a bit better and dinner came out to a low 320 calories.

My dumb ass bought a bag of tortilla chips for home and nachos were yelling at us for lunch so I made some small plates, went light handed on the cheese, used some fat free sour cream and some fresh pico de gallo I made for the BBQ this past weekend. That was our indulgence for the day at a whopping 551 calories. Damn cheese and chips, why they gotta have so many calories!!!??!

We still have a bowl full of oranges and apples that we need to eat soon but I'm not sure I even want apples anymore. The last few weeks I've eaten more apples than I think I have my whole life and I've never really been a fan of oranges...I do like satsumas, clementines and mandarins though...which I have a half a bag of Cuties left to eat.

The nights are getting a bit easier with not having snack cravings however today has been especially bad with the weird sweet tooth I'm experiencing. I don't normally have a sweet tooth either...I think it's the carbs...I think they are evil and make you crave sweet things. Damn yummy, delicious, wonderfully horrible carbohydrates.

I do need to stop beating myself up for eating 1200 calories...it's not like I'm over indulging but my mind is still wrapped around the number "500". And that damn scale...I hate weighing myself and don't want to weigh myself unless I KNOW there are going to be lower numbers on it. I guess you can say I have a phobia of scales...and am getting a phobia of calories...

Shit, I hope I don't become one of those hard-core, fanatical calorie counters. I don't want to think too hard about every bite I put in my mouth because that would take all the fun out of eating food.

Dieting Hell Catch Up

2011-08-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, I feel like I've been gone forever and ever! I don't know what my current weight is and I don't want to know how many calories I inhaled yesterday.

What I do know is that I don't like my tummy feeling upset and bloated from eating crap food and I feel totally guilty about eating crap food. Oh, and beer...can't forget the damn beer! One Corona has 148 calories, one Pacifico has 146 calories and one Heinekin has 150 calories. I consumed more than one of each the last few days.

Sunday was a going away BBQ for a friend and former co-worker who has been stuck in Washington for work for the last year and will be returning to his hometown of Greenville, South Carolina early next month. A bunch of us got together to celebrate our friendship, our craziness and to eat awesome food. We had my fresh pico de gallo, guacamole, some shrimp and cream cheese cocktail, chipotle cheddar dip, lots of tortilla chips, potato salad, macaroni salad, burgers, brats, and beer. I was good and didn't eat a hamburger bun but instead had a naked burger with a slice of onion, tomato and cheese. And later in the evening had a half of a brat with mustard.

During the day Sunday, while we were shopping for excellent going away gifts in Brad & Rachel style (Spencers...enuf said) we stopped at Bob's Beef and Brew for salad. I had the worst southwest chicken salad I have ever had at a restaurant. The chicken was dry and wimpy, the lettuce was brown and the dressing (served on the side) was watery and resembled Pace picante sauce mixed into cream...possibly sour cream. I only ate about a cup of the salad and couldn't go any further. I washed it down with water.

After a rough guesstimate of what I consumed while at the BBQ, I'm almost at 2,000 calories for Sunday. Including the beer...

Monday, on the other hand, is a mess and I don't even want to think about what I ate, let alone record it.

Today will be a minimal food day. I can't have another day like yesterday or I'll end up sick.

I haven't taken my supplements since Sunday but mainly because the plan suggests to not follow the plan while on your monthly visit from Mother Nature. The diet will be affected due to normal water retention and they suggest not starting the diet during your menstrual cycle and to stop during your cycle and resume afterwards. The diet plan that has the actual hormone injections are only 21 days long to avoid menstrual cycles. That being said I'm going to continue eating lightly until next Sunday and then resume the supplements. And I'm probably not going to weigh myself at all this week. Scary!

Dieting Hell: Day 20

2011-08-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled today: 797
Weight dropped as of this morning: 12.4....I think...I hope

Today was another day off from weighing myself...especially after last night's dinner of nachos and 2 beers. I got a bit buzzed from one beer and couldn't even finish my second beer. Today was redemption day.

I've noticed that I rarely get hungry enough to want to eat and most of the time I need to remember to eat. I need to remember to drink more water too... Tonight I had one of those delights I mentioned earlier this week: cheese crisp. Pepper jack cheese, red onion, salsa and sour cream on a carb balance tortilla. Since it was dinner, I ate two of them and was STUFFED afterwards. It was quite tasty though. It was 375 of today's calories...still not bad for a meal.

MyFitnessPal.com tells me I could be down another 10 lbs in 5 weeks if I keep eating like I did today...however it also cautions that I'm not eating enough. It warns that I might not be getting proper nutrition and to up my intake to at least 1200 calories.

My mom invited us to meet her for breakfast in the morning at our favorite local joint, The Totem. Initially I said no and to check back in 2 weeks but now I'm debating...poached eggs on toast would be good. Or even oatmeal and fruit. For some reason the hardest thing for me is not eating what I want, when I want to. I know that I'm fairly decent at maintaining a certain weight when I get there however I still have a lot that I want to lose and if I start eating normally again (even while maintaining) it might be disastrous. After not eating sugars or starches for a few weeks, I'm afraid the first little bit will end up on my ass in the form of 12.4 lbs. I need to work on introducing those back in slowly and starting up an exercise routine.

I used to hula hoop daily or every other day and I also used to do floor exercises aimed at my ass and abs. I think I got lazy when the diet dictated "minimal exercise" and that I just need to get back into it and get a routine down. And on the days when I splurge, I need to exercise that extra bit more. Oh, and we have a BBQ to go to tomorrow night as well so I think I just made up my mind about breakfast: no. :)

Until tomorrow...

Vote DAILY for my tattoos!!!
http://www.kissfmseattle.com/pages/upload-contest/vote-entrants.php?ag&gid=2

Dieting Hell: Day 19

2011-08-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled today: Not sure...don't really want to know

Weight dropped as of this morning: 12.4 lbs (still)

I didn't lose even a tenth of a lb yesterday which is kind of a downer but not so bad. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin and that's really all I'm concerned about. From here on out, it's all just slow losses and trying to be healthier. Maybe one day very soon I'll quit smoking too...

Today we had a 208 calorie breakfast and then nothing for the rest of the day. We both have a bit of cabin fever since I'm working from home full time now and The Boyfriend has been off work this week and most of last. So it was left in my hands for us to get out and do something tonight. The Boyfriend's sister asked us to come walk the track at OV elementary with her this evening while her son had soccer practice and we ended up walking 2.5 miles...which left me at -77 calories for the day. So seeing as The Boyfriend has practically been begging to go out to dinner (or pick up a bottle of Crown), I decided that Avocados was in order...and a beer.

I ordered nachos the proper way: no BBQ sauce! I'm fully sated and sleepy as hell. One beer gave me a buzz, I'm a cheap date now!!

Oh and just a reminder to vote DAILY for my ink:
http://www.kissfmseattle.com/pages/upload-contest/vote-entrants.php?ag=&gid=2

If I win, I get 4 tickets to the Blink 182 and My Chemical Romance show at the White River Amphitheater in a VIP box. So keep them votes coming in daily for my ink, pretty please!

XOXO

Dieting Hell: Day 18

2011-08-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled today: 992
Weight dropped as of this morning: 12.4 lbs

Oh tortillas, cheese, and avocado, how we've missed you! We missed you sooo much that we had soft tacos again for dinner...only tonight they were chicken. We skipped breakfast and lunch and saved up for dinner and dessert. The Boyfriend has had a knack for making awesome marinades on this diet...ones without oil or teriyaki or soy sauce. Basically just lemon and/or lime juice and lots of seasonings. We've had some chicken marinating in a taco seasoning marinade so The Boyfriend grilled it up and we threw it in the little carb balance tortillas with pepperjack cheese, red onion, tomato, avocado and white sauce and/or sour cream.

Thankfully we both love strawberries and now is the perfect time for buying them because we picked up a sour cream angel food cake, another bin of strawberries as well as a light Hershey's chocolate syrup. The angel food cake is fat free and has 140 calories per 1/8 of a cake. Not too bad considering we saved ourselves all day and are just under 1000 calories of our 1200 calorie limit. Aside from our cheat day, this is the most calories we've consumed in almost 4 weeks!

I'm down another 0.8 lb since Tuesday morning and I think I'm still losing inches. I was shocked when I stepped on the scale and compared today's number to Tuesday's. In my half-awake state I had to do a double take, write it on the calendar and rub the sleep from my eyes. Apparently I was convinced that by eating 727 calories yesterday, I'd gain back 5 lbs. I can see how anorexia can begin...OMG Don't smell that piece of celery, you'll become a cow!!!!

I'm perfectly sated and a very happy girl right now. I'm even able to watch Man vs. Food and Anthony Bourdain again...speak of the devil...I hear Adam in the living room right now...

Hasta manana!

Dieting Hell: Day 17

2011-08-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled today: 727

Weight dropped as of this morning: See below...

So I half forgot to weigh myself this morning and half just didn't want to. Not that I'm afraid but like I said yesterday, I think the more I weigh myself on the higher cal diet the less I'll see the big losses. And yes, I do think 1 or more lbs is a big loss. Especially in one day. The Boyfriend lost 1.4 lbs yesterday so I shouldn't be too afraid. Maybe I'll have the balls to weight myself tomorrow morning.

I do feel good that we are still eating under 1000 calories and I'm LOVING the new food choices we are making.

Today's breakfast consisted of another egg white scramble with onions and garlic and this time I put some white sauce and a dab of salsa on it and coffee with creamer (oh how I missed creamer). It was perfect and light: 128 calories.

Lunch was a Braeburn apple which was a little too mealy for my tastes but flavorful: 40 cals.

Dinner was my favorite...the best meal I've eaten in WEEKS: mahi mahi tacos! We splurged and got Carb Balance mini tortillas and added mahi mahi that was marinated in lemon juice, garlic and seasonings, topped that with cabbage, red onion, tomato, avocado (we gave in and bought one), cheese (YAY!!) and a touch of my white sauce. We each had 2 tacos and after working out the calorie count, our meal was 425 calories.

And........we had dessert too. :) Strawberries with light whipped topping and a drizzle of chocolate sauce: 119 calories.

I've noticed that my taste buds are more alive and I can really taste things and damn, they taste GOOD! I've also noticed that my sinuses aren't as stuffy as they normally are which I think contributes to being able to taste more. The ease of which I can breath tells me that I'm allergic, or have an intolerance, to something that I normally eat. My sinuses and throat do get extra phlegmy when I eat dairy and wheat, neither of which I haven't had in weeks.

MyFitnessPal.com has been a life saver throughout this diet. I can search their database for certain foods or I can use the bar code scanner and scan in the food. A feature I've started using this week is the recipe creator. I can make recipes and enter each ingredient and the specific servings of each and it will add up the nutritional information for me.

Here is a screen shot of my diary for today:

Click here to see BIGGER

(Oh, and don't get the wrong idea about the supplement entry about a prenatal vitamin...I take them for the folic acid and iron. I'm not kidding and really, if you don't believe me, dig farther back into my blog history to 2007 and find the ones titled "Reasons I Should Not Procreate")

It also adds calories to your daily goal if you enter exercise. I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen and dining room today so I added 25 minutes of light, moderate cleaning which earned me 82 calories. I highly suggest MyFitnessPal.com and the mobile app for anyone who is counting calories or even exercise.

After this highly tasty and successful day, we are going to treat ourselves to a soak in the hot tub. Until tomorrow...

Dieting Hell: Day 16

2011-08-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled today: 911
Weight dropped as of this morning: 11.6

Dear readers, I have a secret to spill...a dirty, dark secret...

Last night, after posting my blog entry and after watching Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (which showcased a chili shop in Seattle that we MUST try), The Boyfriend and I were having horrible sweet cravings as to which point we gave into. Since Dairy Queen's ice cream is apparently lactose-free (since The Boyfriend can eat it) we stole off to DQ under the cover of darkness, all ninja-like. The whole way I felt as if I was 16 again and trying to sneak out of the house or get away with something I shouldn't be doing. I got a small M&M Blizzard and The Boyfriend got a small Nutter Butter Blizzard. After about half of mine my tummy was not happy with me so I put it in the freezer. The Boyfriend inhaled his so quickly that I don't think his tummy knew what was coming.

This morning my tummy was not happy with me and I regret it however I still stayed at 719 calories (remember we upped our calorie intake to 1200) and 11 grams of fat. My carbs were at 102 of which I have a daily limit of 165. Essentially I was under my daily limits of everything but went over my vitamin C...big deal. I still lost a full pound yesterday. If I can continue losing I should be on track for a 15-20 lb loss by the 29th, our original quit date. Our game plan is to have a light breakfast, fruit for snack/lunch and a high protein dinner, daily.

Tortillas and tortilla chips are some of my staple foods so I'm really sad to know that even the carb friendly tortillas still have 13g of carbs per tortilla. I love tacos, quesadillas, nachos, and what my BFF calls "cheese crisps" where you load a tortilla up with cheese and pop it, open faced, into the toaster oven and toast it to a melty crisp, then top with salsa and sour cream. I will love her forever for introducing me to cheese crisps however I will curse her forever for (re)introducing me to corn dogs of which I can't ever seem to get enough of...especially the awesomely, fatty, greasy, crispy, dipped-in-gallons-of-mustard, to-die-for corn dogs from the fair. I better wipe the drool off my chin before I short out my keyboard.

This morning's breakfast was Egg Beater Egg Whites with onion, garlic with a dash of Tapatio sauce with coffee. It hit the spot and was perfect. I do miss bell peppers and avocados. It's a little scary that avocados have such a high calorie count but at least they are full of good fats and oils; one small avocado has 207 calories.

We skipped lunch but splurged (maybe a lil too much) on dinner: we split a small, trimmed Rib Eye steak and I made a cucumber, red onion, and tomato salad with balsamic vinegar as the side dish. I think the steak was a bit too rich for me right now because my belly was not happy with me.

We also decided we aren't going to weigh ourselves daily since we are not going to see the major losses we have been seeing and it will more than likely be discouraging. Neither of us are accustomed to weighing ourselves at all let alone daily.

Here's to hoping our new 1200 calorie plan won't blow up in our faces...

Dieting Hell: Day 15

2011-08-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled today: 461
Weight dropped as of this morning: 10.6 lbs

Despite my efforts to lose my 0.4 lb increase from Sunday's splurge, I only lost 0.2 lbs. :(
Now, not only am I a little bit bummed, a lot disenchanted, and a ton discouraged...I'm BORED. Bored to tears with this diet. So bored I don't even want to eat! While I know that isn't feasible or healthy, I just don't feel like making any more fish or chicken or single, boring veggies.

Since I'm so disenchanted and bored (and I know The Boyfriend is too) I suggested a change: we are going to up our calorie intake to a less-restrictive 1200 a day. Add in some mixtures and new veggies but leave out the oils, starches and sugars. Basically start our maintenance period early but with a lower calorie count. Granted we might not lose as quickly but at least we won't be so bored and I'm sure we'll still lose something. This suggestion came with ZERO rebuttal and COMPLETE agreement on his part. According to the maintenance plan, cheeses can be added in immediately (in small amounts) and that has me practically peeing my pants with excitement.

We'll continue to take our supplements until they are gone, we paid enough for them. And since a normal calorie intake is over 1500 (depending on what the goal is) we will still be "dieting" but will be more "normal". I think I'd be perfectly content with a 15 lb loss at this point. Gaining weight is so easy and fun but losing it is neither easy or fun. I feel I've gotten a great jump start and the overall diet protocol has given me a better idea of how many calories are in foods and what a normal portion of food looks like.

We had to do a bit of grocery shopping today so we got some more oranges for snacks, some prawns, one rib eye steak to share, shredded cabbage, egg whites, some jalapenos, and some fat free plain Greek yogurt. I made a white sauce from the Greek yogurt, lime and lemon juice, one seeded jalapeno, some fresh garlic and seasonings. Of course I had to try it to make sure it was edible and it was sooo good. Tonight we feasted on prawns on a bed of cabbage with a drizzle of white sauce.

Now we are horribly craving sweets: chocolate, cake, ice cream... Why is it that we have a taste of freedom and then we want the world? I don't want to blow this entirely but it's so hard when all you can think about is what you can't (shouldn't) have. I keep trying to tell myself that since I'm still under 500 calories that it'll be okay and then I yell at myself and realize that's crazy talk. Just a few more weeks, I can do this!!

The question now is "Do I want to do this?"

Dieting Hell: Day 14

2011-08-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled today: 339

Weight dropped as of this morning: +0.4 = 10.4 lbs

So my delicious nachos and cocktails cost me 0.4 lbs, less than I expected but still not fun to see on the scale in the morning. Today was another redemption day of a few apples, a 4oz filet of Mahi Mahi, some grape tomatoes and lots of water. The Boyfriend left the house early for his company golf tournament and I allowed myself to sleep in until almost 10:30am. I woke up barely hungry and except for a few times throughout the day, I stayed not hungry. Even though I woke up wanting to give up and just go out to breakfast or get pizza for lunch. What is it about a little bit of junk food that makes you crave more and more of it?

I'm not going to give up on this diet. I'm on day 14 and am still on track to continue until August 29th...two more weeks, I'm half way through.

To keep myself busy today I ran some quick errands and then came home to scrub the hell out of our master bathroom. I even changed out the shower curtain. :) The 45 minutes of vigorous cleaning cost me 160 calories burned and I've consumed 339. It still amazes me daily how little my body actually needs to survive. My energy levels are higher than they were a week ago and I'm feeling good. My jeans are fitting more like they should and the simple dress I wore today is almost too big for me. I've noticed my bras fitting a little looser around my rib cage and I think my face and chin is thinning out some. My hips are more pronounced and my tummy is flattening. Now if only my thighs would cooperate and shrink too. Overall I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin and my confidence is returning.

While part of me wants to get off this diet and just gorge myself, I know that it will get me back to where I was 14 days ago and I know that eating crap food does not make me feel good...only leaves me with a tummy ache and a guilty feeling.

What I'm looking forward to most is being able to cook what I want: mahi mahi tacos, guacamole, spinach and strawberry salads, caprese salads, spaghetti with whole wheat noodles and homemade sauce, I am even looking forward to eating yogurt and oatmeal for breakfast again. It's the feeling of being told I *can't* do something that makes me want it that much more; that rebellious streak in me that is 5 miles wide. If you know me, you know which streak I'm referring to. :)

It's bedtime for this dieting diva, night all.

Dieting Hell: Day 13

2011-08-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled today: 3744

Weight dropped as of this morning: 10.8 lbs

I redeemed myself for teriyaki night and lost 1.4 lbs Friday! My game plan was to redeem the teriyaki night and set some reserves for today's cheat day. Now I don't feel so bad about having teriyaki. :)

We met Sue and John at their room on the 6th floor of The Four Seasons in Seattle and spent a little time admiring their beautiful view of the piers and the water. The weather was foggy/grey in Everett and Seattle was clear and beautiful. We then walked across the street to the Pike Brewery and even though The Boyfriend and I already had an idea of what we were going to order, we poured over the menu again.

After much decision I decided on the North of the Border Nachos since it is what I've been craving this whole diet. Tortilla chips, cheddar and pepperjack cheeses, housemade black bean and corn salsa, tomato, green onion, jalapeno, chicken tossed in their Pike BBQ sauce, guacamole, sour cream, and extra salsa. The BBQ sauce kind of worried me however I was so committed to nachos that I was going to overlook it and hope that it was all I'd been craving. I also decided on a dry apple cider instead of a Pike brew...thinking maybe it would be lower cal.

Ahhhhhh..... [cue angels]

They didn't really look like this...but you get it

The Boyfriend settled on the William Tell Burger with mushrooms and french fries and a brew.

The dry apple cider went straight to my head and before lunch arrived I already had a mild buzz going on with only 1/4 of the glass gone.

Lunch arrived and we were excited to dive in and splurge. The nachos were surprisingly good however I should have held the BBQ sauce, it just didn't meet my expectations of what my dream nachos should taste like. I made it maybe a dozen chips in and started to feel full; I knew I wasn't going to make it far in this platter of nachos.

The whole way through my total of roughly 24 loaded chips I felt guilty but kept thinking "we are walking after lunch, gonna kill some calories"!

We had a 2:00pm reservation for the Seattle Underground tour so we headed from lunch straight to Doc Maynards, about 8 blocks away. The tour was all walking, about 90 minutes total with little breaks in between to learn the history and then we walked to Wild Ginger for a few cocktails. All the while I was taking mental notes of what I was drinking. I started out with a Crown and diet Coke but that wasn't doing it for me so I tried a sip of Sue's Ginger Martini at which I fell in LOVE with. So my next drink was a Ginger Martini. According to the menu the drink was "House infused ginger vodka" although it tasted like there was some pear in it...I'm not a fan of ginger but that was damn good and it helped to settle the knot in my belly that was north of the border nachos.

Regretfully we had to part ways with Sue and John and head home to let the dogs out before a birthday party we were invited to. The Boyfriend decided that since he had already blown his diet for the day, he was going to pick up a pint of Crown and a liter of diet Coke for the party. I choose a liter of water. My tummy was still knotted and iffy from the nachos and I was feeling really guilty so I told myself, no more cheating for the day. Not to mention, my food diary was saying I had gone over my calories by a TON!

Oddly enough I was full all day and didn't have any cravings until about 11pm when we started heading home. I didn't even have any birthday cake or the multiple shots I was offered!! I was pretty proud of myself so as I was taking our exit off the freeway, I didn't give into my McDonald's cheeseburger craving and drove straight home.

Now it's time for fuzzy socks (I'm freezing) and bed. I'm nervous to see what the scale tells me in the morning...

Dieting Hell: Day 12

2011-08-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled today: 236

Weight dropped as of this morning: +0.4 = 9.4 lbs

Beef teriyaki and salad was NOT a good idea. I'm up 0.4 lbs, granted it could be more but I feel guilty and bad that I bent the rules. The Boyfriend didn't lose anything...but he didn't gain anything either. Brat.

Woke up feeling yucky, had a crampy tummy and was somewhat bloated. It's amazing what little bit of food could do this to me. I'm not sure if it was the meat or the carbs but I'm thinking I should have stuck with chicken, a little lower on the calorie count but not by much. Or maybe not have eaten anything at all outside of our protocol...

The number 824 looks so sad in my food journal next to yesterdays lunch of 131 calories.

Today, by 2pm, all I had eaten was an apple and a cup of strawberries, had half a pot of black coffee and a few liters of water. I'm not feeling bad and my tummy isn't hollering at me to feed it too much. More proof that the body can and will adjust to whatever you throw at it.

I'm really worried about tomorrow's planned cheat day. I might just stick to a meal closer to what we are supposed to eat instead of deciding to go all out and eat what I want. Especially since Pike Brewery's "Kilted Mac 'n' Cheese is to DIE FOR!!! I don't want to eat it only because I don't want to see the number 3,000 in the calorie count for ONE MEAL!! That might make me cry.

I can't wait to be off this diet and get back into a better eating pattern...to not have to count calories but to keep an eye on the junk and crap food we are so addicted to. I'm really glad that the headaches have stopped. In fact, come to think about it, I haven't had a headache since early last week...which makes me wonder if the foods I was eating was contributing to my semi-frequent head pains. Can overloading on carbs cause headaches?? I know my shoulders and neck muscles are not as tight as they were the week before this and then beyond that. That could also be that I'm *well* hydrated too.

So, according to MyFitnessPal, at my current weight and current height (5'3") my Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is 1485 which means I burn that many calories just to breathe and function to stay alive. So that means I'm burning ~985 calories a day of which I'm NOT actually consuming.

MyFitnessPal also says that my Body Mass Index (BMI) is 31.5 which makes me "Obese". It tells me my target weight is 104 - 141 lbs. While I was 103 through most of high school, I cannot see myself at that weight now. I would break like a twig!! I'll shoot for 135, that would be a happy weight but I can also see that being too skinny too. Actually, it's been so long since I've been under 140 that I don't know what it would be like. Sigh.

I've consumed 236 calories today in the form of 2 Fuji apples, 1 cup of strawberries and 2 little melba toasts. I'm laying low today to make up for yesterday and to prep for tomorrow. Surprisingly I feel great!

Dieting Hell: Day 11

2011-08-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled today: 1,046

Weight dropped as of this morning: 9.8 lbs

Well today was a bust. You probably read my calorie count above and had to do a double take...yes, that does say that I ate 1,046 calories, it's not a typo...I'll get to that...

Thursday morning I woke up 0.4 lbs lighter. I reviewed my food intake and my exercise (or lack thereof) and realized that I do see greater losses even with just 15 minutes of hula hooping. Probably because 15 minutes of hula hooping burns roughly 18% of my daily caloric intake. From here on out I'm going to make an effort to do at least 15 minutes every evening. Maybe a few sets of crunches too, just for good measure. :)

One completely mental thing that I've noticed lately is my random cravings and near misses (meaning I have to STOP myself from giving in) when it comes to food and eating out or even memories of past restaurant/food experiences. I'm not sure why it is that when we can't have something, we want it more. I was pulling into my favorite little market earlier this week where I buy beer and cigs (why does that make me sound sooo white trashy!?!?) and there is an espresso stand in the parking lot. Sometimes I'll visit this stand but normally I just make my coffee (French Roast with Creme Brule creamer) at home and never buy overpriced, too sweet, usually badly burnt coffee monstrosities. But for some reason, this day, I had to stop and remind myself to NOT drive through the stand for a 24oz white chocolate raspberry iced mocha. Just like in the grocery store, I have to stop and think before I grab something that is tempting me and toss it in my cart. Maybe this will teach me a little bit more self-control while grocery shopping...

One recent trip to Q-Fuck (QFC) before our diet, The Boyfriend grabbed a container of bakery cookies. "If you get cookies, I get something too", I squealed and scampered off in search of something totally decadent that would make me feel like total ass. I ended up with mini carrot cakes in the shape of muffins. Oh my they were yummy...moist, cream cheesy frosting, full of carrots and raisins...but 10 minutes after eating one and I was hating life. There is something in store or restaurant bought carrot cake that does not agree with me. I used to think it was nuts but I'm not so sure anymore...I just know that unless my awesome baker friend, Candy, makes it, I can't eat it. I KNEW THIS...yet I bought the damn things anyways. I do have to give myself credit though, it took me a good 10 minutes to pick something out...I bypassed all the chocolate because in all honesty, I'm not that much of a chocolate fan. One or two bites of chocolate and I'm done. I bypassed all the donuts because I CLEARLY remember how those make me feel when I'm done inhaling them. All in all I'm really not that much of a sweet eater...regardless of the fact that more than half of my left arm has sweets inked all over it.

But I digress...where was I...oh yes, moving onto the weird memories of food that pop up, seemingly out of nowhere. My parents used to drag me up to Steven's Pass every Sunday for a day of snowboarding and on rare spring occasions we would stop at Zeke's Burgers. Most of you probably know about Zeke's but for those of you who don't, a little detail: Heading up SR2 towards Steven's Pass, right outside of Gold Bar (or maybe right inside Gold Bar) is a little town called Zekesville. As you can see from the sign, it's a small town to say the least...

Zekesville's claim to fame is the wonderful gastronomic delight that is Zeke's Drive-In.

Need I say more.......

Zeke's is usually hopping on the nicer days but normally there's no lack of cars in their lot.

One more random inserted photo because I particularly like this one:

(BTW, photo credit for these photos does not fall to me, I got them all here: http://www.yelp.com/biz/zekes-drive-in-gold-bar)

So this one time, years ago, we stopped here to eat on the way home. It had been a particularly good day of snowboarding, I had a friend with me, the sun was shining, we had some good runs and it was just a good day. While I don't remember much about the food, I do remember thinking it was delicious and it hit the spot.

This random memory popped up the other day and right alongside it was "ooh, we should eat Zeke's for dinner tonight". Why would I remember this out of the blue and why would I think that driving 30 miles for dinner is okay...while we are on a diet!?!?

It's these random thoughts about food and eating that make me wonder what kind of hold over me food really has. Was I starving as a child? No. Was I deprived of yummy, gut-busting delights as a child? No. Maybe my subconscious is reminding me of all the yummy, bad-for-you foods that are out there and it's that craving for carbs and preservatives that my brain remembers and cherishes. Either way, regardless of my childhood and mental status, I can see that it can take a long, long time to reprogram your brain into realizing what foods are good for you and what foods you should stay away from. It also confirms a little bit of the cravings and addictions that can form from processed foods...if have you seen Super Size Me, you'll understand.

Alright, back to the bust that was my diet today...

Some of my former co-workers and really good friends were in town from Greenville, SC this week and a month or so ago, when they contacted me to tell me they'd be here, we planned to meet for dinner. Since it's bad form to meet friends for dinner and bring your own food (restaurants don't care for this either), I decided that a sushi restaurant would probably offer the most diet-friendly fare. And I know that Michelle LOVES sushi and it's kind of a tradition for us to go eat sushi when she's in town. Joe, on the other hand, doesn't like fish (raw or cooked) so I had to pick a place that had other delights for him. Wasabi Factory, it is! Besides, since we can't eat rice, we had to pick other things too.

At 8:00pm we met the family at Wasabi factory. After pouring over the menu at home we decided the safest thing would be teriyaki without rice. Chicken for The Boyfriend and beef for me. Normally I never get beef teriyaki, ever, but I'm getting a little bored with chicken. The salad that normally comes with teriyaki is usually too sweet for me but this was delish and I ate every last bit of it. The beef was tender and yummy and I even ordered a little side of spicy chili sauce (it's just not good without some spice!). Keeping to my method of eating slowly, I savored each bite, knowing that it might bring disastrous results in the morning...and not only in the form of weight gain, eek! Throughout the meal I would stop and squeal "REAL FOOD!!!" and then remind myself, no it's not "real", it's just more calories than I need. All the while, eyeballing and drooling over the Dragon roll, the Dynamite roll, gyoza..........mmmmmmmmmmm.

It was a great meal and it was wonderful to see Joe and Michelle; I wouldn't take it back for anything. Even for the 824 calories it afforded me...and that's just a guesstimate. I'm using MyFitnessPal app and website to track my exercise and calories and they have a large database of foods and respective calorie counts. The closest I could come (without knowing exact measurements or ingredients) is Beef Teriyaki, Sushi Bar, 8oz: 700 calories and Green Salad, Ginger Dressing, 1 bowl: 124 calories.

It's definitely making me rethink our scheduled cheat day this coming Saturday though...

Dieting Hell: Day 10

2011-08-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled previous day: 414

Weight dropped as of this morning: 9.4lbs

My biggest loss so far: 1.4 lbs in one day!! I think the hula hooping is helping a bit, even though it's only 15 minutes of it, it still burns 90 of my meager calories and it helps tone too. I was feeling so good last night I even did some crunches. Not many...but enough to say I did some. :)

One thing I notice is that my skin is clearing up. My skin isn't normally oily or greasy and I don't have acne, ever, but in the last 4-5 months I've been on a different birth control formula and eating badly and have had some small breakout/dryness around my nose. Now, except for one blemish, it's all gone. Not only is this diet cleansing my body but it's also cleansing my skin...awesome!!

The Boyfriend is now down 21 lbs so he's still on track to end the diet August 29th. That's a lot closer than the original ending date of mid-September and I can't wait. I'm excited to eat normally again...well not as normal as I was eating. This diet is so restrictive that I even want yogurt right now and I don't normally like yogurt. Haha.

This weekend some friends from out of state will be visiting and we are meeting up with them for lunch and the Seattle Underground tour on Saturday. We have been planning this for months and didn't even think about "The Diet" until just a few days ago. Sooo...we decided that Saturday will be a cheat day. We decided on Pike Brewery and have both picked out items on their menu that aren't horrifically over fatty or calorie-ific and we both would like to have a beer. A little pushing of the envelope...just a test...to see what will happen the next day. My luck I'll be sick as a dog from the food and won't want to eat anything but white fish and veggies forever.

So far I don't feel differently, weight-wise, so I'm not sure where the weight is disappearing from. The Boyfriend commented today that the cotton dress I'm wearing today looks good, that it looks to be a bit looser on me so maybe it's just "shedding" off all over. Hopefully the twins stay the same!!!

Last night The Boyfriend made small bun-less hamburgers LOADED with fresh garlic. It was nice to have some red meat over white fish or chicken. Tonight I had another patty with halved grape tomatoes seasoned with crushed red peppers, onion powder, black and white pepper with a splash of balsamic vinegar. It was just missing cheese and avocado...and a bun.

I'm glad that my hunger pains have subsided and stay mostly away until my scheduled meal times. I notice that when I start eating, I feel sated...not full, mind you, but sated. Sometimes I don't even want to finish my whole meal. I've also started cutting my food into small pieces and taking water breaks in between bites. The smaller pieces, the slower eating and the addition of lots of water helps my belly feel fuller quicker. I'll usually drink one liter of water per meal. Instead of sipping water like I used to, I now gulp it and have been drinking 4-7 liters a day.

The body is amazing at what it can adapt to and how quickly it adapts. Not even a week ago I was miserable and pathetic...now, I feel great and excited. I'm also a bit proud of myself. I have never attempted a diet so restrictive and intense and even on the lesser intense diets, I always give in to temptation quickly.

10 more days, my friends, 10 more days....

Dieting Hell: Day 9

2011-08-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled previous day: 448

Weight dropped as of this morning: 8lbs

I'm changing my schedule up and writing about the day at night instead of the next morning. :)

This morning the scale said I lost 1.2 lbs yesterday and that was enough to soften the blow of gaining 0.4 lbs yesterday...I'm down a total of 8 lbs in 7 days (of the 500 calorie phase). I can't complain! If I keep losing at least 1 lb a day I'll be down 28 lbs by August 29th which is The Boyfriend's target date to lose his maximum 34 lbs. There is *NO WAY* I'll keep on this diet if he's not; I don't have that much willpower!! Besides, 28 lbs is a great start. According to my height I should be 124 lbs but that just seems too damn skinny so I'm shooting for a healthy 140.

The Boyfriend told me today that he's noticed my moods have leveled out and he's glad I'm back to normal and not in Mega Bitch mode anymore. I think my body and my brain is just starting to get used to this...somewhat. I'm not starving and my cravings have mellowed out. Now, don't get me wrong, the back of my brain is still yelling "NACHOS" but it's quieted some.

The absolute hardest part for me is nights; I love snacking while sitting on the couch watching a movie or TV. Right now it's 7:46 and I'm craving something crunchy. Fortunately I didn't eat both my snacks today so I'm gonna nosh on some clementines; 2 clementines are 80 calories. I also miss The Boyfriend's weekend breakfasts too...sigh...is it August 29th yet??

Dieting Hell: Day 8

2011-08-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled previous day: 448 with 90 calories burned

Weight dropped as of this morning: gained 0.4lbs (EEK!)

Another case in point of how easy it is to confuse me (especially on this diet)...I'm writing my blog entries the morning of the day after so I'm a day behind. Now it's getting difficult to 1) remember which day I'm writing about, 2) what happened the day before, and 3) how much weight I've dropped and what days to record it on.

{shakes head}

Monday's are not my favorite days of the week, they approach like a crocodile in the reeds, slowly and methodically and then attack with as much brute force. This Monday was an exceptionally bad morning since I woke up and weighed myself and I was *UP* 0.4 lbs!! WTF!?!? I am starving myself and somehow *GAINED* weight!? What kind of diet is this!!???

After review of the day before I realized that I had used a new eye makeup that I had just bought and never used before. It's a "paint" so I'm assuming had some oil in it which is a no-no. And since I had hula hooped I burned 90 calories from my meager daily intake so I was hungry...I gorged on two 2" sesame bread sticks after hooping which put my snacks at a total of 3 for the day. While the bread sticks were only 18 calories and I did not exceed 500 calories (after exercise) I did not follow the protocol to the letter. Lesson learned, hand smacked, hanging head in shame.

I have noticed since I changed up my pills vs. eating routine on Sunday that I have been more even throughout the day. No major mood swings, no feelings of wanting to die and no major hunger pains that a half a liter of water won't fix. Monday I took my pills at 5:30am, had a snack around 8am, lunch around 11am, pills at 12pm, snack at 3:30pm and dinner at 5:30pm. I was still a little hungry after dinner so I think I'm going to shift the times up a bit so I'm eating later in the evening. Monday evening I hooped for 15 minutes and burned 90 calories. I had to stop at 15 minutes because I started getting hungry and my legs started feeling weak. After hooping I was exhausted and couldn't wait for bedtime.

One very welcome pro of this diet is the lack of feeling fat and bloated after eating a meal, especially a meal at a restaurant. Here's a bit of TMI so if you don't want to read about bodily functions, skip this paragraph. I don't miss being gassy and I definitely don't miss pooping! There isn't quite enough food in my system to allow for gas or even much waste. While there are some stomach cramps/pain from occasional hunger and there are some bloaty feelings when I chug a lot of water at once, it passes quickly and I find that I never feel like crap after eating a meal.

Grocery stores have become my nemesis! While shopping we have to have a detailed, complete list. Walking through a grocery store is torture! I see all these things that would be on a normal healthy eating plan and I want them! Avocados, Ahi tuna, steak, nectarines, cheese, bananas...{drool}. When this is over I'm getting avocados to top my chicken with and to put on veggies. And I'm going to load up on Ahi, we can't eat it since it's a pink fish.

Today (Aug 9th) I celebrate 7 days of being on this diet, cheat-free. I shall celebrate by...um...drinking more black coffee.

Cheers!

Dieting Hell: Day 7

2011-08-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled previous day: 435

Weight dropped as of this morning: 6.8

Sunday was my best day ever! I felt good, I had energy, and I was not starving throughout the day. While I realize my body will have good and bad days I'm hoping I have more days like Sunday or it's gonna be hard to follow out the next 5 weeks.

Sometimes if you give me too much information on one topic (especially if the info is full of contradictions) I'll get a little confused and I'll end up drawing my own conclusions. I've discovered this is happening with the protocol for this diet. My mom loaned us a book about the diet that she purchased and followed on her protocol. It's informational and more in depth however it tends to contradict the directions for our regimen. So by taking her book's instructions and our products instructions, I was getting confused and making myself suffer by taking my first meal too late. I think I have it all straightened out now so we will see if my hunger and low-blood sugar wooziness goes away.

Diet drinks and artificial sweetener have never been on my list of foods that I enjoy but this protocol says you can use Stevia for sweetener so we bought a box of packets to try. One packet in my coffee Sunday morning and I couldn't even drink it. The sweetener left a greasy, sickly sweet coating on my tongue and throat and I ruined my coffee completely. The Boyfriend didn't even like it and he doesn't have a problem with artificial sweeteners. I guess sweetening anything is out for us and our friends will gain a new box of Stevia.

One thing I notice about my moods on this diet is I'm pretty evenly grouchy. I think the majority of my bad mood is that I feel deprived, I want nachos. I want creamer in my coffee. I want a guacamole burger. That combined with the low blood sugar feelings and the lack of energy make me a bit bitchy. The poor Boyfriend is usually on the receiving end of my moods. I've been trying very hard to not bite his head off when we discuss this diet and his suggestions/ideas to help me. I really just don't want to fail and I wish I were seeing bigger losses. Saturday because I felt so bad, I had too many snacks (3 instead of 2) and I think that contributed to my measly 0.7lb loss. While I understand that for women a 0.5-0.7lb loss daily is average and normal, I expected something greater and I'm a bit disappointed.

If I can lose 1lb a day I'll drop 36 lbs by the end and I'll be a happy camper. Here's to hoping!

Dieting Hell: Day 5 & 6

2011-08-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled previous day: Day 5 - 469; Day 6 - 402
Weight dropped as of this morning (day 6): 6.4

I'm a day behind, when we weren't busy yesterday, I wasn't feeling so hot...here's a recap of Friday and Saturday, days 5 and 6...

Friday I felt great, got up, wasn't hungry, had some coffee, showered and worked from home. I was attentive and feeling good all day long, was productive and even worked on getting my Pure Romance stuff in order for the upcoming party that I'm consulting at. While I had energy all day long, it weaned in the early evening and we spent the evening watching movies.

Friday's foods:
Lunch - 4 oz Chicken over 1 cup spinach with a dash of tapatio (yum! 117 cals)
Dinner - 4 oz Halibut and 1 cup asparagus (162 cals)
Snacks - 2 pieces of melba toast, 2 clementines, 1 Fuji apple (190 cals)

Saturday I woke up tired and it progressively got worse through the day. I lost 1 more pound which put me at a loss of 6.4lbs total since Tuesday the 2nd (5 days). We started out the day running errands which we couldn't finish. By 12:00-12:30 I was feeling light headed, woozy, nauseous (even though there was nothing in my tummy) and I had ZERO energy. We cut our errands short and headed home. The Boyfriend made a lunch of chicken over spinach while I laid on the couch. After lunch I still didn't feel much better so I took a little nap. That didn't help so I ate 2 melba toasts and The Boyfriend made me some iced coffee. After that and a little sun in the back yard I started feeling a little better, still couldn't make any fast movements or I would have to sit down.

I'm not sure where The Boyfriend got his energy yesterday but he hung two guitars in the living room, did the dishes, played his guitar and drums, and cooked lunch and was still ready to go. The Boyfriend has lost an amazing amount of weight...an amount that makes me envious but also proud that he's been so diligent. He also worked nights all last week in 10 hour shifts in a hot building so I can see how he's dropped it so quickly. As of Saturday morning he's lost 16 lbs!! He can feel it and there's an obvious difference.

Yesterday afternoon we decided to finish our errands before dinner so for a bit more energy I ate an apple. Dinner was skewers with jumbo marinated prawns and grape tomatoes. That was a great meal, I was just disappointed there wasn't more of it to be consumed. We went to watch his niece's soccer game in Marysville after dinner and it was nice to get out and get a bit more sun; I was feeling much better and more myself and it was great to see his sister and niece. When we returned home we had a snack of strawberries and sat in the hot tub for awhile then off to bed for a movie.

Saturday was my lowest calorie day so far and I think I screwed up my mojo with taking my pills later in the morning (I usually take my first dose at 5:30 as leaving for work) and by not eating lunch sooner. I'm going to see how Sunday goes and if it is as bad as Saturday, I will add in a snack or another meal for breakfast. I'm also going to change up when I take my doses in conjunction with when I eat.

The bottle of pills says to take the first dose upon waking and the second dose six hours later, between lunch and dinner. Somehow I got it all screwed up in my head and thought it said to take your second dose 6 hours later WITH lunch. So I've been taking my first dose at 5:30am and my second roughly 11:30am-12pm and then eating right after taking them and 2 full glasses of water. Dinner is around 4pm and a snack around 7pm.

Oh, I did go to Super Supplements and buy some new chap stick and body lotion and I love both products. The chap stick is Alba Coconut Creme, it tastes wonderful and stays on very well. The lotion is Organic Fiji Pineapple Coconut with organic coconut oil and it kept me moisturized even through our hot tub session! I might have to keep using this lotion, it's amazing!

I'm going to change up my overall routine of pills vs. food and I want to add in some mild exercise. We want to start going for walks and I'd like to start hooping again but finding the energy lately has been impossible. I'm hoping that by next week, after an entire week of being on the 500 calories, I'll feel better and my body will adjust.

Someone, please have a huge platter of loaded nachos for me though, pretty please?!?!

Dieting Hell: Day 4

2011-08-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

Current Stats
Calories inhaled previous day: 444
Weight dropped as of this morning: 5.4

Hurray, I'm still on track of a loss of at least one pound a day! While I have to say it hasn't been fun, seeing results in such a short time makes it worth it. Watch...I probably just jinxed myself, I will probably plateau now and not lose anything for another week.

Yesterday was much better than Wednesday was, I was not nearly as hungry when I woke up (or throughout the day) and I didn't get the low blood sugar shakes except for a few episodes that didn't last too long. I also had energy throughout the day...right up until I got home, then it crashed. It was also my lowest calorie day so far.

Let's see I had:

Coffee and green tea for breakfast (0 calories)
Chicken and cucumbers for lunch (always 4oz of meat and 1 cup of veggie; 126 cals)
Mahi mahi for dinner and instead of a veggie I drank 1oz of Monavie Active (super fruit juice...my parents are distributors, the shit rocks! It's totally helping my dad and The Boyfriend's joints but that's a blog for another day; 120 cals).

My snacks consisted of:

Melba toast

1 piece of melba toast (these little slices of heaven are about 1/8 inch thick, 2 inches wide and 4 inches long...if that; 20 cals)
2 little sesame sticks (I had to restrain from taking the whole box to the couch with me; 18 cals)
2 apples throughout the day (160 cals)

I also knocked back 6 liters of water.

I usually fill my 1 liter water bottle and immediately chug 1/4 to 1/2 of it. The thing about drinking so goddamned much water is I'm constantly peeing!! Seriously like every 15 minutes! It's a bit annoying while I'm at work and I have to break concentration to go pee again. But I guess it's a good thing that I'm so well hydrated.

Another thing I notice from drinking so much water is that my tummy gets so very happy to have something, anything in it that it doesn't quite know what to do...so it distends. It's annoying and gives me a bloated feeling which I don't care for.

The one thing that I enjoy most about this diet is they suggest ZERO exercise. Heh. Obviously exercising burns calories and since you are ingesting so few of those already, they don't want the exercise burning your muscle tissue or making your hunger worse. They say that if you "must" exercise (who "must" exercise, bah!) only do 20-30 mins of walking a day and a few sit ups or crunches but not much more than that. I think that I will start hula hooping again (if my energy ever comes back) and doing a few crunches nightly. And The Boyfriend and I are going to start diving at least once a week so that will give a little bit more exercise by lifting and carrying so much weight to and from the water. I just hope we have the energy to kick our fins...

Dieting Hell: Day 3

2011-08-04T17:12:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled previous day: 493

Weight dropped as of this morning: 3.8 lbs

Well I'm on track of a loss of (minimum) 1lb a day so far and that makes me happy. Another spot of happiness in my bleak dieting world is that I did not wake up starving and ready to eat The Boyfriend and The Dogs this morning! Last night you would have thought me a whiny baby who thought she was dying. Thankfully the only ones around to hear me complain were the dogs.

All day yesterday I had that low-blood-sugar, light-headed, on-a-boat feeling where if I stood up too fast, breathed too deeply, or even concentrated too hard I would think I was about to pass out. Hunger pains were extensive and every few minutes I would stop myself from going off in search of food.

Mexican food TORMENTED me all day: Memo's Carne Asada fries, Avocado's seafood burrito and Arroz con Pollo, shredded beef tacos, fajitas...

Here's a list of what we can eat while on this diet:

Breakfast -

Tea or coffee in any quantity without sugar. Only one tablespoon of milk is allowed in 24 hours; saccharine or Stevia may be used

Lunch / Dinner -

100 grams of veal, beef, chicken breast, fresh white fish, lobster, crab, or shrimp. All visible fat must be carefully removed before cooking, and the meat must be weighed raw. It must be boiled or grilled without additional fat. Salmon, eel, tuna, herring, dried or pickled fish are not allowed. The chicken breast must be removed from the bird.
One type of vegetable only to be chosen from the following: spinach, chard, chicory, beet-greens, green salad, tomatoes, celery, fennel, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, cabbage.

Snacks (before and/or after dinner) -

One bread stick (grissino) or one Melba toast.
An apple, orange, or a handful of strawberries or one-half grapefruit.

There is no deviating from the protocol or go over 500 calories in one day or YOU. WILL. GAIN. WEIGHT.

Is this a diet or boot camp?!?

For breakfast yesterday I decided to stick to green tea to help move things along, so to speak. Probably a good idea since I was on shaky ground already and didn't need any major amount of caffeine to boost that unsteadiness. I ended up eating my apple between tea and lunch because I was SO VERY HUNGRY!

Lunch was chicken marinated in lemon juice and spices and 1 cup of cucumbers seasoned with white pepper, crushed red pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder. Let me tell you something: regular cucumbers do not agree with me! All afternoon and evening the damn thing came back to haunt me. From now on I’m sticking to English or seedless cukes.

Last night's dinner consisted of my 4oz/100g of halibut and 1 cup of tomatoes that The Boyfriend lovingly prepared. I didn't get a chance to eat it until after 6:00pm and by that time I was so shaky and hungry that I didn't even want to take the energy to eat.

I was so bad off yesterday that I asked my mom to drive me and the dogs to their vet appointment in Mount Vernon because I didn’t trust myself to maneuver a car or stay focused long enough. Needless to say, come 6pm I practically forced dinner down my throat and cringed at every bite.

Water. Water is my friend. It is suggested we drink 64oz of water a day but I've been using it to fill my tummy so I've been averaging 4-6 liters a day. I guess I can say I'm well hydrated! So well hydrated I haven't even had to use my beloved Burts Bees chapstick much. Which is a good thing since I'm not supposed to use it. :( It's called out in the no-no list: No Burts Bees, it contains lanolin. Apparently I shouldn't be using anything but mineral makeup but since I have an extensive MAC cosmetics collection, I can't justify going out and buying new makeup just for this diet. I don't wear face makeup like foundation or powder though so I'm going to assume my eyelids won't be absorbing calories from my eye shadow, liner, or mascara.

Oh, another no-no is wearing lotions...including sun screen. Which means me and my expensive skin is going to be staying out of the sun for the next 6 weeks! I can use moisturizers like baby oil or mineral oil but no body lotion.

So many protocols to follow it's kind of hard to remember what all to do and not to do. The Boyfriend and I are getting a system down and hopefully tonight is the last of this night shift job so we can start planning better and working together more.

Until tomorrow...hopefully I'll be another pound lighter.

Second Installment of Dieting Hell

2011-08-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

Current Stats

Calories inhaled previous day: 466

Weight dropped as of this morning: 2.2lbs

We survived the first day of 500 calories...barely.

The Boyfriend has been working nights which sucks for both of us seeing as my sleep gets interrupted when he comes home between 2:30-3:30am every morning and his sleep schedule is off kilter. Needless to say the house has been kind of cranky since he started nights, going on 3 weeks ago.

Lack of sleep + 500 calories = 2 bitches

Yesterday afternoon was rough with confusion and yawning and "I'm HUNGRY"s and "I don't want to go to work!!"s but we pulled through and made a dinner of chicken marinated in lemon juice and spices with sauteed red onions for our veggie just in time for The Boyfriend to leave for work.

Fighting off a low blood sugar headache and drinking water like I was a fish, I wandered around the house for a bit, wondering what to do with myself. There was zero energy for anything physical such as cleaning or walking the dogs or even sitting upright at my laptop in my office. Three ibuprofen, a liter of water and about eight cigarettes later (I was going to quit smoking but something is telling me not to just yet) I decided to cuddle on the couch with the dogs and watch some TV.

I realized, very quickly, that I cannot watch two of my favorite shows anymore: Man vs. Food and Anthony Bourdain No Reservations. They bring cravings for whatever 8lb+ concoction Adam might be force feeding himself or whatever exotic food or locale Tony is visiting that makes me envious.

This makes me very sad as I miss the nights where Adam inspires me to make a huge plate of nachos with odd toppings such as leftover pork chop or hot cock in place of salsa, at 8pm. While I know that isn't healthy and helped get me to a state where I'm actually dieting, I still miss those nights.

Oh, I miss beer already too.

I guess I'll just have to stick to caffeine, nicotine, and my measly 500 calorie days. Here's to hoping I can drop at least 25 lbs in the next 6 weeks and to hoping my low blood sugar shakes go away very soon.

First Installment of Dieting Hell

2011-08-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

So...the boyfriend and I decided to start the HCG diet. You know the one where you take HCG activators (either in the form of drops, mouth spray, injections, or pills) and consume only 500 calories a day? The theory is that the HCG activator tells your brain to release the fat cells that are stored in your blood, therefore burning that fat instead of structural fat or "good" fat that you need. With your body burning this "hidden" fat, you can consume only 500 calories a day, not be starving yourself and still maintain a loss of 1-3 lbs a day.

A bit of background so you don't think me insane: I've known 6 people who have followed this diet plan and have experienced weight loss of 30+ pounds in 3-6 weeks time (depending on the method and country of origin of the activator). Furthermore (the exciting part!), the losses they experienced did not magically reappear on their asses once they ended the diet. My parents each lost 30-35 lbs in 4 weeks; a friend lost 36 lbs in 6 weeks; another friend 20 lbs in 2 weeks; yet another friend: 40 lbs in 30 days. The amount of success we've seen is enough to say "let's frigging try it, what do we have to lose besides our beer bellies!?"

That being said we started this diet two days ago, Sunday, July 31st.

The first two days of the diet include taking two pills in the morning before breakfast and another two pills before lunch. Annndd....gorging yourself on the fattiest foods you can find! Now you're probably thinking "gorging on ice cream, fried chicken, real butter, pasta...how awesome!!!" I'm on day 3 and just past the gorge days and let me fill you in...I wanted to DIE yesterday.

Here's my menu for the first two days:


Leftover breakfast burrito

Day 1:

Breakfast - two pills with a full glass of water, coffee with sugar and creamer, 6lb breakfast burrito from Sultan Bakery, complete with ham, bacon, sausage, veggies, hash browns, Verde sauce, and sour cream. This thing was huge and I could only pack away 2 inches of the plate-sized monstrosity.
Snack - sample bites of the chocolate peanut butter caramel bars, chocolate cake, and eclairs purchased at Sultan Bakery
Lunch - two pills with a full glass of water, root beer, Ezell's spicy fried (white meat for me) chicken, tater salad, mashed taters and gravy
Snack - more samples of the delectable treats from the earlier snack
Dinner - 3 slices of pepperoni, onion, green pepper pizza from Georgio's Pizza, root beer, and a few bites of the side salad I ordered with the pizza. Figuring the salad was WAY too healthy, I abandoned it, reserving the awesome blue cheese dressing for dipping my pizza in.
Snack - leftover DQ Blizzard that happened to be purchased Saturday evening

Day 2:

Breakfast - two pills washed down with a full glass of water, McDonald's sausage egg McMuffin with cheese, hash brown, and coffee with creamer and sugar
Snack - 2 slices of leftover pizza, including the blue cheese dressing
Lunch - two pills with a full glass of water, Coke, 2 more inches of that monster burrito from Sultan Bakery
Snack - more of the delectable treats from Day 1's snack (aren't these things gone yet!?!)
Dinner - Mikey's bacon cheese burger, fries dipped in tarter sauce, Sprite
Snack - last of the leftover DQ Blizzard

Day 2 also consisted of purging the house of any of the snacks or foods that we aren't allowed to consume on this diet. Three large bags later and our friends are happy people: tortillas, garlic bread, eggs, sour cream, cheeses, leftover bbq'ed chicken, mayo, mustard, pop tarts, tortilla chips, potato chips...

The gorge days were so bad that we were bloated and uncomfortable and looking forward to day 3 where we start consuming only 500 calories.

This is the morning of Day 3 and so far I've had two pills, almost a liter of water, and 2 cups of black coffee. Last night I pan seared a 4oz mahi mahi filet (with only lemon juice and seasonings) and chopped up a cup of tomato that I seasoned with cayenne, garlic powder, sea salt, pepper and fresh basil for lunch today. And I brought one medium Fuji apple for a snack between lunch and dinner. Dinner will probably consist of 4oz of chicken breast mixed with 1 cup of cucumber and seasonings with another apple or a piece of melba toast for an evening snack.

My parents reported losing 10 lbs the 3rd day but seeing as I forgot to weigh myself this morning, I'll have to start tracking tomorrow.

I'm starting to shake from all the caffeine I've drank so far this morning so I'm gonna go take a break and drink a bunch of water. Tune in tomorrow for an update on how/if I survived Day 3.

Inspiration Lost?

2010-11-08T10:40:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post some wonderful, insightful, intriguing posts now that I've revamped my blog but so far...nothing. I've read some very inspiring blogs lately as well as seen some very inspiring photographers, now I just have to put that inspiration to work.

This past Saturday I shot my first wedding reception in Richland, WA for a friend who got married earlier this year in Vegas. This weekend was reserved for celebrating with friends and family. In the past I've taken pictures at events such as our company picnics and parties as well family and friends parties but never worked an actual commissioned event. While I was terribly nervous about having the proper equipment and lighting situation, I was even more nervous at my weakness at manual settings in low light situations...there was going to be DANCING involved!

800 pictures later and I've got my work cut out for me. My nerves kept me from reviewing the photos I had downloaded to my laptop until much later last night after getting home, getting unpacked, and settling in. Overall I'm impressed with the before shots where we had the wedding party frolicking in the grass and fallen leaves but I'm sadly unimpressed with most of the dancing shots as well as the important entrance of the new Mr. and Mrs. There are some that are usable but I'm very disappointed with myself. I'm going to have to rely on my very minimal skills with PaintShop Pro (I won't spring for Photoshop just yet) to see if I can save some of them.

Guess that means I have to get out and practice more. :)

Feel-Better Sayings

2008-07-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have gathered these from one of my Flickr contacts...I love them although I am not sure who really said them as she doesn't cite her sources.

"Tell me the color of your sky up above.
Paint me a picture of the things that make you smile.
Show me your fears and what you're dreaming of."

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."

"Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to get to that place where you don't have to be anything else."

Books To Read

2008-06-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

Books I am adding to my Amazon "Must Read" wish list. I have been able to cross off a few books and there are another handful that I have read in the past but feel I should read again so I didn't cross them off.

ATLAS SHRUGGED by Ayn Rand
THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
BATTLEFIELD EARTH by L. Ron Hubbard
THE LORD OF THE RINGS by J.R.R. Tolkien
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee
~~1984~~ ~~by George Orwell~~
ANTHEM by Ayn Rand
WE THE LIVING by Ayn Rand
MISSION EARTH by L. Ron Hubbard
FEAR by L. Ron Hubbard
ULYSSES by James Joyce
CATCH-22 by Joseph Heller
~~THE GREAT GATSBY~~ ~~by F. Scott Fitzgerald~~
DUNE by Frank Herbert
THE MOON IS A HARSH MISTRESS by Robert Heinlein
STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND by Robert Heinlein
A TOWN LIKE ALICE by Nevil Shute
~~BRAVE NEW WORLD~~ by Aldous Huxley
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
ANIMAL FARM by George Orwell
GRAVITY'S RAINBOW by Thomas Pynchon
~~THE GRAPES OF WRATH~~ ~~by John Steinbeck~~
SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
GONE WITH THE WIND by Margaret Mitchell
~~LORD OF THE FLIES~~ ~~by William Golding~~
SHANE by Jack Schaefer
TRUSTEE FROM THE TOOLROOM by Nevil Shute
A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving
THE STAND by Stephen King
THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S WOMAN by John Fowles
BELOVED by Toni Morrison
THE WORM OUROBOROS by E.R. Eddison
THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov
MOONHEART by Charles de Lint
ABSALOM, ABSALOM! by William Faulkner
OF HUMAN BONDAGE by W. Somerset Maugham
WISE BLOOD by Flannery O'Connor
UNDER THE VOLCANO by Malcolm Lowry
FIFTH BUSINESS by Robertson Davies
SOMEPLACE TO BE FLYING by Charles de Lint
ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac
HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad
YARROW by Charles de Lint
AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS by H.P. Lovecraft
ONE LONELY NIGHT by Mickey Spillane
MEMORY AND DREAM by Charles de Lint
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Woolf
THE MOVIEGOER by Walker Percy
TRADER by Charles de Lint
~~THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY~~ ~~by Douglas Adams~~
THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers
THE HANDMAID'S TALE by Margaret Atwood
BLOOD MERIDIAN by Cormac McCarthy
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE by Anthony Burgess
ON THE BEACH by Nevil Shute
A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
GREENMANTLE by Charles de Lint
ENDER'S GAME by Orson Scott Card
THE LITTLE COUNTRY by Charles de Lint
THE RECOGNITIONS by William Gaddis
STARSHIP TROOPERS by Robert Heinlein
THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP by John Irving
SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES by Ray Bradbury
THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE by Shirley Jackson
AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
TROPIC OF CANCER by Henry Miller
INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison
THE WOOD WIFE by Terri Windling
THE MAGUS by John Fowles
THE DOOR INTO SUMMER by Robert Heinlein
~~ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE~~ ~~by Robert Pirsig~~
I, CLAUDIUS by Robert Graves
THE CALL OF THE WILD by Jack London
AT SWIM-TWO-BIRDS by Flann O'Brien
FARENHEIT 451 by Ray Bradbury
ARROWSMITH by Sinclair Lewis
WATERSHIP DOWN by Richard Adams
~~NAKED LUNCH~~ ~~by William S. Burroughs~~
THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER by Tom Clancy
GUILTY PLEASURES by Laurell K. Hamilton
THE PUPPET MASTERS by Robert Heinlein
IT ~~by Stephen King~~
V. by Thomas Pynchon
DOUBLE STAR by Robert Heinlein
CITIZEN OF THE GALAXY by Robert Heinlein
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED by Evelyn Waugh
LIGHT IN AUGUST by William Faulkner
ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST by Ken Kesey
A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway
THE SHELTERING SKY by Paul Bowles
SOMETIMES A GREAT NOTION by Ken Kesey
MY ANTONIA by Willa Cather
MULENGRO by Charles de Lint
SUTTREE by Cormac McCarthy
MYTHAGO WOOD by Robert Holdstock
ILLUSIONS by Richard Bach
THE CUNNING MAN by Robertson Davies
THE SATANIC VERSES by Salman Rushdie
DARKNESS AT NOON by Arthur Koestler
SONS AND LOVERS by D.H. Lawrence
THE WAY OF ALL FLESH by Samuel Butler
AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY by Theodore Dreiser
NATIVE SON by Richard Wright
HENDERSON THE RAIN KING by Saul Bellow
APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA by John O'Hara
U.S.A. (trilogy) by John Dos Passos
WINESBURG, OHIO by Sherwood Anderson
A PASSAGE TO INDIA by E.M. Forster
THE WINGS OF THE DOVE by Henry James
THE AMBASSADORS by Henry James
TENDER IS THE NIGHT by F. Scott Fitzgerald
THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY by James T. Farrell
THE GOOD SOLDIER by Ford Madox Ford
THE GOLDEN BOWL by Henry James
SISTER CARRIE by Theodore Dreiser
A HANDFUL OF DUST by Evelyn Waugh
ALL THE KING'S MEN by Robert Penn Warren
THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY by Thornton Wilder
HOWARDS END by E.M. Forster
GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN by James Baldwin
THE HEART OF THE MATTER by Graham Greene
DELIVERANCE by James Dickey
A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME (series) by Anthony Powell
POINT COUNTER POINT by Aldous Huxley
THE SECRET AGENT by Joseph Conrad
NOSTROMO by Joseph Conrad
THE RAINBOW by D.H. Lawrence
WOMEN IN LOVE by D.H. Lawrence
THE NAKED AND THE DEAD by Norman Mailer
PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT by Philip Roth
PALE FIRE by Vladimir Nabokov
THE MALTESE FALCON by Dashiell Hammett
PARADE'S END by Ford Madox Ford
THE AGE OF INNOCENCE by Edith Wharton
ZULEIKA DOBSON by Max Beerbohm
DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP by Willa Cather
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY by James Jones
THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES by John Cheever
MAIN STREET by Sinclair Lewis
THE HOUSE OF MIRTH by Edith Wharton
THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET by Lawrence Durell
A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA by Richard Hughes
A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS by V.S. Naipaul
THE DAY OF THE LOCUST by Nathanael West
SCOOP by Evelyn Waugh
THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE by Muriel Spark
FINNEGANS WAKE by James Joyce
KIM by Rudyard Kipling
A ROOM WITH A VIEW by E.M. Forster
THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH by Saul Bellow
ANGLE OF REPOSE by Wallace Stegner
A BEND IN THE RIVER by V.S. Naipaul
THE DEATH OF THE HEART by Elizabeth Bowen
LORD JIM by Joseph Conrad
RAGTIME by E.L. Doctorow
THE OLD WIVES' TALE by Arnold Bennett
LOVING by Henry Green
MIDNIGHT'S CHILDREN by Salman Rushdie
TOBACCO ROAD by Erskine Caldwell
IRONWEED by William Kennedy
WIDE SARGASSO SEA by Jean Rhys
UNDER THE NET by Iris Murdoch
SOPHIE'S CHOICE by William Styron
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE by James M. Cain
THE GINGER MAN by J.P. Donleavy
THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS by Booth Tarkington

50 Things...

2008-05-14T15:28:00.001-07:00

I have lived in Washington state my whole life; within an approximate 25 mile radius actually (for those in the area, I have lived as far south as Ballard and as far north as North Everett)
My poor mother carried me a whole extra month...apparently I was happy in her womb. I was 9lbs and wrinkle-free (makes me sound like clothing).
I grew up in the same house and my parents still live there; I will probably inherit the house eventually.
This gangster guy moved to my middle school in 7th grade and we fell in love. He was my first real boyfriend. He was sooo not my type. We were inseparable for over a year. Then I broke his heart.
I used to write poems and short stories; my writing was dark and morbid. Fitting for a teenager.
I used to want to be a journalist. Or a rock star.
Growing up my parents were not religious but they allowed me to discover religion for myself. Occasionally I attended church and Sunday school with my best friend but always felt alone and out of place while there. My experience with religion has left me wondering: why have a religion? Now that I am an "adult" I consider myself agnostic.
I learned to read when I was 3; my parents read to me every night and encouraged me to read by taking me to the library frequently. I would always bring home STACKS of books that I could never read all of before their due date. The first book I read that didn't have pictures was Alice in Wonderland.
I recently admitted to myself that I am somewhat of an exhibitionist.
My mom put me in swimming lessons when I was 4 months old. I have loved the water ever since.
I learned to snow ski fairly young. I didn't want to but my parents forced it on me. A few years later I learned to snowboard; it was fun for about 6 years. Now I hate the snow.
I love water and the ocean; I think I was born part fish
Growing up we spent summers at my grandparent's cabin at Lake Cavanaugh; my parents would have to practically drag me out of the water after the sun had gone down when my lips were purple and I was shivering. My favorite memories are of that lake.
When I was 14 I lost my virginity. To the only boy who has broken my heart twice.
Most of my friends smoked and I started around the age of 16 (or so I recall). I loved smoking, not because I felt cool but because I actually enjoyed it. I have quit smoking a total of 4 times since then and have started back up 4 times.
From the ages of 16 to 21 I always had a boyfriend who was over 21. That was super cool as my friends and I had beer all the time. I drank quite a bit until I turned 24 and the hangovers started showing up and kicking my ass!
I can't remember a lot from my earlier years. I blame my drinking for the poor quality of my long term memory.
The hardest drug I have done is acid and I hate smoking pot. I now prefer beer, nicotine, and driving fast. I have never been a pill popper and it is hard for me to remember my daily birth control pill let alone taking other pills "just because".
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
When I was a sophomore in high school a best friend of mine was shot and killed accidentally. It affected a large part of my life and still does.
All through high school and for a few years afterward I was between 103 pounds to 119 pounds. I remember my mom telling me that a few sit ups a day would get rid of my little pooch I had but I thought she was nuts. Now I wish I had listened.
I love the feeling that comes with completing a project, however big or small.
Off and on for 6 years through most of high school and beyond I dated a man who was controlling and manipulative. He brought out the worst in me and we would engage in fights where I was red faced, screaming, and throwing things and he would sit there calm as could be and ask what was wrong. He knew which buttons to push and I hated him for it. None of my friends liked him so I lost just about every one of them; needless to say, I hated him for that too. He wanted to get married and that was something else I hated him for. The list is never-ending of things I despised about that relationship. I am so happy to have moved on.
I habitually drive fast to loud music.
The only type of therapy I have ever attended was hypnotherapy; once for quitting smoking and once for anger management (both while in the above relationship).
I have never been a competitive person. Competing just isn't exciting for me as it is for others. And I honestly feel that people who compete for things like whose house is worth more or who has the more expensive wardrobe are really just reaching out for attention and acceptance. Competing should be saved for sports and races. Period.
Being married and having children has never been a priority for me and I doubt I'll ever do either.
Honestly, I don't like babies, toddlers, or kids.
Natural Born Killers is my favorite movie.
I tend to be critical and judgmental. It is a weakness of mine and I am always working on it.
My checkbook has to be balanced to the penny for my sanity. And I don't like to let the balance drop below a certain amount.
I'm not good at asking for my loaned belongings back. I'm a good borrower and am very diligent and thoughtful when it comes to returning things that I have borrowed and I guess I feel everyone should be so therefore I am uncomfortable asking when I can expect my things back.
I know I need to lose weight; I WANT to lose weight but I want it to happen overnight and with minimal effort from me. In a perfect world, maybe...
If I had to eat one food for a month it would be anything Mexican.
I hold an Associates degree in Business Admin with a concentration in Information Technologies, a Bachelor's degree in Information Technologies - Computer Systems, and am currently working towards a second Bachelor's degree in Technical Writing. I never thought I would want to be a "professional student".
I am terrified that I will not put my expensive education to use when its all said and done.
I'm afraid of growing old and looking back on my life and wishing things had been different. I'm also just afraid of growing old. I skipped my 28th birthday in hopes that 29 wouldn't arrive. I turned 31 on April 17th, 2010.
I am not a collector or a pack rat. I hate garbage and if it is broken or hasn't been used in more than 12 months, it goes in the trash. Mostly, I hate clutter.
Sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of despair when I realize that I most likely will never have enough money or, more importantly, enough time in my life to see the entire world the way I want to see it.
I love to travel but hate the act of traveling. If only we could transport ourselves immediately...
I am a neat freak yet I hate cleaning. Organizing and picking up is enjoyable but cleaning is horrible.
I am shy when alone in social situations yet outgoing when with friends in social situations. I would prefer not to go anywhere alone.
I take pleasure in spoiling loved ones.
I prefer foggy weather.
When I find an article of clothing, makeup, a kitchen utensil, or other item that I adore, I buy them in multiples. I have the same "skort" in 5 different colors, 12 pairs of the same style Old Navy jeans, 6 of the same Eddie Bauer t-shirts, and about a dozen different colors of one style tank top. We won't even get into my MAC cosmetics collection...
I have a bad habit of getting overly worked up about dumb shit.
My pirate ship tattoo was an idea long before the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie was released. I do not have an obsession with Captain Jack Sparrow.
I hate talking on the phone and would prefer to communicate via email, text messages, or in person. Sometimes I think I was on the phone too much as a teenager.
I love my car like I never thought I could love a car. It is fast, tight, raw, and sexy. My love for it borders on obsession.
I love my dogs like they are children; I can not imagine loving a child as much as I love my dogs.

Can you hear what I am not saying?

2007-09-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But its more that that, isn't it? the most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."

--Stephen King
Different Seasons: Fall From Innocence (aka Stand By Me)

UPDATED: Reasons I Should not Procreate (work in progress)

2007-08-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

16. Adult Parties (not the kinky kind)
A few weeks back we threw a UFC party at our house and invited a bunch of our fight fan friends. It so happened that one of our friends had other friends in town who were staying w/them so they brought them along. The out-of-towners had 3 kids and brought them all along.

These kids immediately started grabbing things off shelves w/out asking and my initial reaction was of annoyance but hey, I didnt invite them, the parents should keep their kids in line. I poured another drink and proceeded to ignore them.

Our friends knew what kind of trash talk and drinking goes on during our parties and they also know that our house is not kid friendly and we even ask that there be no children in tow on the invite.

After about 15 minutes of listening to fight talk and seeing a bunch of drinking (believe me, I wasn't censoring myself for their comfort) the family and our friends got up and left.

Apparently the story goes that they were uncomfortable with the atmosphere and the adult setting. That is fine w/me as I didn't really want children in my home. Besides, what do you expect when you show up to a UFC Fight Night??

UPDATED: Reasons I Should not Procreate (work in progress)

2007-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

15. Chicken Pox
I have never had the chicken pox and if I have kids they are sure to get them unless I happen to pass down some super immune chicken pox gene. I don't want the chicken pox in my adult years.

UPDATED: Reasons I Should not Procreate (work in progress)

2007-07-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Reasons 1 - 13 are in an earlier post

14. Bodily Functions
I would not be able to handle vomit, diarrhea (or even just POOP), spit up, or anything else an infant will produce. It grosses me out just thinking about it. I know everyone says that it is different when the kid is yours but if I cant even stand the smell of my dogs asses how am I supposed to stand the smell of a kid's ass?!

Reasons I Should not Procreate (Work in progress)

2007-06-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

1. Separation / Divorce
I do not want to have child(ren) and have something happen like a divorce or separation from the father. Sadly, there is a reputation that comes with being a single mother (regardless if it is true for all single moms) and I do not care to be one of them.

2. Birth
The whole birthing process scares the shit out of me. I have not heard one story that says how "fun" it is. Yeah, it might be an "amazing" or "special" experience but come on, why put myself through agony?? Especially when that agony will not cease for 18+ years...

3. Selfish
I am too selfish to have a child(ren). I come first, gotta look out for number 1.

4. You gotta feed them!
I am okay with feeding myself chips and salsa for dinner. You should not feed children chips and salsa for dinner. Children need proper nutrition for their growing bodies and I have a hard enough time getting proper nutrition myself let alone another human.

5. Stretch Marks
Come on people, I was 125 lbs for years. Then I moved out with my boyfriend. We lived on pizza and beer and my weight blew up. I have enough stretch marks.

6. Finances
I bring home a decent wage but it goes back to being selfish...I like toys, I like vacations, I like instant gratification, I like spending money on myself. Frivolously.

7. Sleep
Oh my god! I love to sleep and if I don’t get a full 7 or 8 hours (without interruptions) I am a bitch. The child and father would have a hard time living with me and I would have a hard enough time living with myself. It is not pretty after I have gone a few days with interrupted sleep.

8. Noise
I do not like screaming, yelling, crying, or blabber. I do not find it cute. Rather I find it highly annoying and it makes me want to dig my eyes (or the noise-makers eyes) out with a rusty spoon.

9. Overpopulation
The world is already grossly overpopulated. I do not need to contribute to the problem. A really good friend once told me she had children to placate a family member. She didn’t really want children but wanted to make her mother happy. I love this friend to death but that is not a good reason to have children.

10. Cuteness
Honestly I think babies and children are NOT CUTE! Babies look like aliens and children are typically dirty, noisy creatures that are highly irritating (see #8 above).

11. Fear
Let me be completely honest. I do not want to fail. I do not want to have a child who despises me as a parent and human being. I do not want to raise a child who ends up being a literal monster (i.e. child molester, rapist, etc). I do not want to run the risk of birth defects or health problems that are out of my control. I do not want to have a child who is a waste of a life.

12. TWINS
I am next in line to have twins. If I don’t want one alien popping out of my cootchie then I sure as hell do not want 2 in a row!!!

13. Unfair Child Support Laws
Child support laws in this state are beyond fucked up. I could not imagine fighting for child support from a dead beat ex. Women and men are constantly getting screwed over by their ex who has gained custody and who demands entirely too much.

Trike

2007-06-18T15:34:00.001-07:00

Seen in Moses Lake...

The 'Stang

2007-06-05T22:45:00.001-07:00

Here she is...fun for a rental but I would never buy one...she can't hold a candle to Mallory.
:)

Office Cartoonist

2007-05-21T14:33:00.001-07:00

Modeled after my encounter w/the sea lions in January.

Book Worm

2007-05-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

I love books.

My mom had me reading at 3 years old. I have loved books ever since discovering them. I would go to the Lynnwood library and walk out with an impressive stack of books that I would never get to read all of by the return date. There were times when I would find a book that I loved so much I would check it out, again, and again, and again. I have since abandoned the library; I would rather own the book.

Strolling through LaConnor today in honor of my mother's special day, my eye would happen upon a book shelf full of books with colorful spines and intriguing titles. My heart would do a little flutter and I would be captivated for a period of time. Reading spines and skimming through those that catch my attention and my interest.

Today I walked away with a restrained purchase of only 2 books: The Way We Live By The Sea and Monsters of the Sea.

The Way We Live is a thick hard back that has photos that takes me away to my most favorite place ever...the water. It showcases seaside living structures, the color palate of decorating upon the sea, and it even touches on house boats.

Be it ocean, lake, or river I adore the water. Must be from the swimming lessons my mom enrolled me in at 6 months of age and from spending summers on Lake Cavanaugh.

One day I will live on the ocean.

Monsters chronicles fairytale sea creatures such as the Kraken as well as true life sea monsters such as the Humboldt squid which can grow up to 10 feet and can weigh 200 pounds. Another testament to my love for the sea and every mysterious creature it contains or has been rumored to contain. Especially mermaids.

Eventually I will have a library in my home. My current, built in book shelves (a HUGE selling point when we bought the house) are impressive but I want one room where I can organize my treasures and have room to lounge about reading and researching to my heart's content.

A library by the sea...ahhhh

Rosario Beach Dive

2007-05-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

We have dove Rosario once before last July and it was a very fun dive with wonderful visibility and about 5 octopus sightings. Today's dive was fun but the vis wasn’t the greatest and there were zero octopus sightings. :(

Jen and I buddied up since Mike was going to take Dean and they were going to go do "fun things". Just what he meant by "fun things" was beyond me but I knew he couldn’t take Dean down to 100+ feet because the dive site was only 50 feet deep at its deepest. And I knew they didn’t have any wrecks to sneak off to and penetrate so us girls figured they couldn’t get into tooooo much trouble alone. :P

We got there considerably early so we walked down to the water to check out the entry point. Since it was a beautiful day there were plenty of picnic-ers and day trippers out, enjoying the weather.

Eventually the whole gang showed up and we started gearing up to be in the water for the 1:30 slack tide. The walk down to the beach is quite long but at least it is firm and flat. Thankfully the weather was not over 60 degrees so it was not a horribly sweaty trek but we were still glad to get in the water.

We swam out to a point that seemed a good descent point to give us easy access to Urchin Rocks where we were going to explore.

Our buddy teams descended one at a time and immediately lost each group in the dismal 10 foot visibility. Jen and I headed towards the rock but I had gotten turned around looking for the guys and even Jen on our way down, so I got disorientated and since I foolishly did not take a compass heading I had to ascend to find our location in regards to Urchin Rocks.

Shortly after descending again we found the rocks and began searching around in the many nooks and crannies. We saw many large sea cucumbers and nudibranchs but no octopus.

Jen and I cut our dive a bit short and went dinking around in the shallows until the rest of the group arrived.

After a little lunch and relaxing we decided it was getting a little late for a second dive. So we made a quick stop at the Anacortes dive shop where I found a killer barbados "fisher-dude" hat and we hit the highway home.

I was a good girl and rinsed all of my gear and now am lounging on the couch watching TV while the dogs are at my parents house. About ready for bed...

Here are a couple of photos from today, after our dive (the vis wasnt worth taking photos):

Urchin Rocks

Hi Jen!

My Mallory

2007-05-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

It is beautiful outside and all I would rather be doing right now is driving my Mallory. Let me tell you a little bit about my Mallory...and yes, I am a tad bit obsessed with her...

She is a beautiful 2004 Subaru Impreza WRX STi. Silver. Hot. Sleek. Fast. A friend at work bought her brand new and decided to sell this past December; I jumped on the offer like it was my life saving breath (see previous posts regarding my acquisition). She has received a few mods: turbo-back exhaust, lighter weight engine parts, stiffer suspension, Access Port, to name a few. I have not gotten any numbers on her but she is pushing over STi stock 300 horsepower.

Many of my friends asked me why an STi? Isn't that a lot of car?

Yes, it is a lot of car, especially for street driving, but I had to have her.

My first test drive, prior to her being up for sale, took my friend Ross and I 120mph down Boeing Freeway. Amazing. I returned to the office with a perma-grin on my face and my legs felt like jelly. My body was vibrating with the adrenaline flow and I couldn't wait to do it again. She still turns my legs to mush when I start driving aggressively.

I have actually been motioned to "slow down" twice in the last few days by people standing along side the road. Funny because both times I was only going 5mph over the residential area posted speed limit. Mal just looks and sounds fast.

When traveling down the freeway I love hearing her turbo whine. Her suspension is tight. Her tires are sticky. Her engine is loud and raspy. She is raw and beautiful.

Vroom, Vroom, Vroom

2007-04-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

This morning my bestest Subie buddy, Ross, came over to breathe new life into Mallory in the form of $6.99 a quart, Royal Purple synthetic motor oil. After trying to figure out how to get her jacked up enough to get to her underbelly he had little difficulty getting her skid plate off and gaining access to the "goods". About an hour and a half later Mallory had 4.8 new quarts of Royal Purple (it really is purple!!) to suck on.

Ross had some stuff to do this afternoon so I grudgingly decided to head off on a mini-road trip alone (Mike was on a boat dive today in the Strait of Juan de Fuca). I would have loved for Ross to have joined me but looking back I am glad I was alone…it gave me time to think and get some one-on-one time with Mallory.

I know you non-Subaru owners probably have no idea where I am coming from but my car really is an amazing piece of machinery and I have discovered that it isn't just a car but a way of life. I didn't understand or grasp this concept prior to owning a Subaru…and I am not so sure that all Subaru owners feel the same but regardless, I am caught in a torrid love affair…

With my car...

I casually made my way up I-5 being sure to keep it in 5th gear and under 80 MPH; 22 miles to the Stanwood / Camano Island exit. For those of you who have been to Lake Cavanaugh you will know why I chose this as my road map. The roads are total back country fun. The typical ride there takes roughly 45 minutes from the freeway; it took me all of about 20 minutes today.

(photos not taken on subject day)

Once off the freeway I opened her up as best as I could on the twisty, windy roads. The "S" curves that are posted as 30mph…those were eaten up at 60mph without breaking my tires loose. The hair pin turn rated 15mph was blown away at 30mph, effortlessly.

The roads to Cavanaugh and around the actual lake are rutted and worn enough to make me feel like I was on a carnival ride. Some people may not care for the tight suspension that is Mallory's but I adore it. It isn't bouncy and rough like riding in a CJ5 Jeep for instance, but rather smoothly bouncy. Don't understand? Come for a ride with me and you will.

Mallory's turbo charged engine, tight ass suspension, comfortable racing seats, and amazing tires made this ride unforgettable and I look forward to our summer trips up there.

While I drove I was sure to test out my gears; which gear feels better in which corners and at what speed. My next trip I will test out my Driver Controlled Center Differential (DCCD) and see how she handles when I am controlling her power differential. I normally keep it set to Auto because I figure her computer is smarter than I am.

I feel I am a fairly decent driver but I would totally benefit from a driving lesson to teach me how to handle a car at higher speeds and in the corners. PIR offers a course but it is only offered during the week while I am working.

While I am constantly reminded (mainly by Ross) that I have a superb driving machine that was built for racing, I am still leery at knowing her limits. How quickly can I take a corner without worrying that the tires will leave the pavement? What is my braking distance at certain speeds before I mow someone or something over? And will I be able to react in time?

I may never find Mallory's absolute limits and that might just be okay. I would like to hang onto her for a few years…maybe upgrade to an '06 STi at some point...maybe. Until then…

Happy driving!

Bye bye Celica

2007-04-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

I sold the Celica Friday...yeaaaa!!! Although I kind of miss it...

It was a 25th birthday present to myself and I sold it 2 days after my 28th birthday. It was a great car and I hope the guy who bought it loves it. And I got what I wanted for it...score!!!

Subiefest 2007

2007-04-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

Subaru isn't just a car. It is a way of life. This became very apparent to me on Saturday. I love Mallory and this past weekend let me see a little bit more of what she (and I) can do. I have more respect for Subaru in general and I have a lot more respect for drivers who can handle a car like it is a Tonka toy.

Portland International Raceway held 2007's first Subiefest (the next should be in another 6 months or so) and Mike, myself, and two good friends (one who owns a 2004 RS) from work all attended. There was a burn out competition, auto xing, time attack, vendors, food, tons of Subies as well as other rally type cars, and the coolest event: the D1 Drift Cars of Team Orange. If you have never seen a drift competition, you must; it is amazing!

Since it rained for most of the afternoon on and off I left my camera in the car so I didn't get many photos of the actual festival. Sunday brought sun and blue skies as well as a speed run out of Portland and through Castle Rock to one of the observatories over looking Mount St. Helens.

Coming back down the mountain we came across another fellow Subaru driver who showed us a back road that had no traffic, cops, or speed limits…at least we didn't pay attention to speed limits.

290 miles in one sunny day. Mallory is a beast, a fucking FAST beast.
Here is my photo album from the whole weekend.

Brrrrrr...

2007-01-13T22:11:00.000-08:00

6am the alarm goes off. We are to meet a group of friends at the McDonalds in Marysville in one hour.

After packing some extra clothing and some lunch makings and crammed everything in the Celica and headed out. We stopped for a much needed mocha and were at the rendezvous point quickly.

Our destination: Whytecliff Park in Vancouver BC on the Queen Charlotte Channel for some winter diving.

The drive up north was uneventful with some icy patches in Bellingham area. We reach the border and were asked a few basic questions: where do you live? Where are you going? For how long? And we were off and trucking.

We reached the park right on time as everyone else was arriving. It took us a little bit to get motivated and geared up but we finally got our gear together and our dry suits on. It was cold and we all knew the water would be cold too…

We all added extra layers of clothing. I was wearing:
¶ a cami-style tank top
¶ a long sleeved under armor shirt
¶ a long sleeved cotton T-shirt
¶ 1 pair of fuzzy socks
¶ 1 pair of snowboarding socks
¶ long underwear pants
¶ a pair of cotton pants…

All underneath my undergarment which is about 3/4 inches of fleece and other warm materials. And then throw on the tri-laminate dry suit and about 80 – 90 pounds of gear including weights and a 100 cubic foot steel air cylinder and you have a fully suited, heavy diver who wants nothing more then to get in the water so they can float and be practically weightless.

I was certified in November of 2005 and dove all that winter but never did we encounter anything this bone chillingly cold… The air temp was roughly 39 degrees and the surface swim out to the descent point felt much colder! My dive computer was registering 38 degrees on the surface of the water.

We all made the surface swim fairly quickly because we were kicking fast to keep warm. None of us were looking forward to putting our heads under that water. Mike buddied up with our favorite dive instructor so they could go deep and I was with our favorite dive buddy and dive master, Suzie, and her husband because we were planning a shallower dive profile.

Seeing as this was my first cold dive since mid-November I was a little nervous that my skills would not be up to par. Sometimes my dry suit purge vent has problems venting excess air on ascent which can lead to a run-away ascent which can lead to air embolisms, the bends, as well as other problems that no one wants (I promise…diving is fun and safe if done correctly!!).

We were in the water by 10:45am and the surface swim was about 10 minutes. As we reached our descent point someone pointed out the seal that was swimming about 10 feet away from us, checking us out. We adjusted our hoods and masks, shoved our regulators in our mouths and purged our BCDs (buoyancy compensation devices which allow us to float) to begin our descent.

The site we were diving is called The Cut and is a seemingly never-ending rock wall (we far as we know it goes to 170 feet and we have not found bottom) with ledges and cracks all along it. We descended close to the rock and started down the wall. We hit a depth of about 78 feet and leveled off. We swam along the wall inspecting cracks and the abundance of sea life. On any given day you can see cloud sponges, white and orange plumose anemones, tube worms, sea and sun stars (starfish), sea cucumbers, purple urchins, various crab species, red irish lords, buffalo sculpins, sea squirts, rock fish, and the occasional octopus crammed in a crack.

The water temperature actually increased the deeper we went; it was 46 degrees at 78 feet and 49 degrees at 151 feet. We saw many of the above listed critters as well as nudibranchs (pronounced: nudi-brank) and even a harvest of nudibranch eggs that are ribbon-like and curled up in a spiral. At one point Suzie and I found a child's toy: a plastic Viking boat complete w/a broken sail, the dragons on the bow and stern, as well as a weight carefully placed in the bottom of the boat, stuffed under the plastic seats. We left it there in case it had some sort of meaning (a memorial maybe) or in case it was a habitat for a small critter.

Since we were soooo damn cold we decided to cut our dive a little short so we begun our ascent slowly. Suzie and I must have looked pretty silly trying to get our purge vents to purge (she was having the same over-clothed problem I was having) by flapping our left arms and rolling on our backs. The purge vents are located about half-way up the upper left arm of the sleeve of the dry suit and sometimes you have to get all the air into your left arm and make it the highest point of your body to get it to vent properly.

Scuba FYI: when you descend you are under pressure and any air that happened to be in your dry suit will compress. As you ascend any air remaining in your suit including the air that you pumped in to compensate for the compression "squeeze" will decompress which will fill your suit with enough air to make you positively buoyant. While diving you always want to be neutrally buoyant and under control of your buoyancy.

We broke the surface hollering about how damn cold it is. After a very quick surface swim back to the entry point we hurried (as best as possible w/all the weight) up the somewhat steep ramp to the parking lot, our warm cars and our lunch.

Although we all brought 2 tanks each (fully intending on doing 2 dives) we all decided it was just too damn cold to go on another dive. We had some warm soup, sandwiches, fruits and veggies, loaded up the rigs and headed back to the States.

We have dove Whytecliff a handful of times before but it was always in the summer which makes it very difficult as the walk to the water is kind of far…you are always guaranteed to be a dripping, sweaty mess as you arrive at the shore, welcoming the cool water. It almost makes you want to dive wet instead of dry…notice I said "almost". The waters of the Puget Sound and up into Canada range from 40 – 55 degrees year around depending on depth. Although we know a handful of divers who do dive wet we prefer diving dry, it makes the surface intervals between dives more bearable and you don't have to worry about a wet bathing suit. Blech!

Now Mike is snoring on the couch and I am getting ready to hit the hay myself. When we got home we realized it had snowed while we were gone and it made it quite difficult to get into our driveway…I don't know if we will be able to make it out of our driveway and up our hill to go watch the game at my parents house in the morning…wish us luck!

Go Seahawks!!

100 Things...

2007-01-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

This is my list of 100 things that I want to do before I die...it is a work in progress.

Build my dream house
Drive my STi on a dry river bed
Swim with dolphins
Scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef
Visit Italy and France again
Watch the launch of a space shuttle in person
Send a message in a bottle
Drink cocktails on the beach in a bikini on Christmas - Complete (well, if drinking cocktails on a live aboard dive boat in a one-piece on Christmas counts)
Ride a mule in the Grand Canyon
Whitewater raft on the Colorado River
Visit a nude beach and participate
Visit an active volcano
Go on an African Safari
Dive a sardine run
Swim with sharks - Complete
Learn to salsa dance
Visit a former concentration camp
Celebrate the Day of the Dead in Mexico
Spend a weekend at a world class spa, pampering myself
Rent my own private island and share it with my family and friends
Sleep in a haunted castle
Get my Master's Degree
Eat a Chicago style pizza in Chicago
Own a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes
See a game at Yankee Stadium
Attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Be debt free by 50
Learn to bartend
Work at Disneyland as a character for a day
Drive the Autobahn
Own a bird, preferably a parrot
Bathe in a waterfall
Visit every state in the U.S. (7 down, 43 to go)
Buy a huge-screen TV - Complete
Go shopping with no worries about the money I'm spending
Go for a ride in a hot air balloon
Go parasailing
Touch the Sphinx
Take cooking lessons
Own a super laptop - Complete
Own my own dive shop
Travel Ireland
Ride a motorcycle
Learn to surf
Visit Thailand
Learn to strip
Read all of the books on my bookshelves
Walk on the Great Wall of China
Ride on a gondola in Venice
See a sunrise over New York City and a sunset over Malibu in the same day
Ride on an elephant
Hold and play with a chimpanzee
See all of the Wonders of the World (5 down)
Stay a week in an over-the-water hut in a tropical location
Race my Subaru WRX STi and win
Participate in a rally race
Find a career I am passionate about instead of just something to pay the bills
Learn photography, inside and out
Run a photography business as a hobby / side job

MINE, MINE, MINE

2006-12-20T22:30:00.000-08:00

WOW is all I can say about my new car. The power, the speed, the piss and vinegar, the ride, the rawness, the SOUND is fucking amazing: raw, sexy and wonderful! It doesn't sound like a normal car, it growls and grumbles. It is the best thing I have ever spent money on (besides the roof over my head ). I just cannot believe it.

I went to work like normal today, worked productively for a few hours then went to the bank; spent an hour+ there getting my loan squared away, then had to go back to the office to pick Markus up so we could seal the deal back at the bank. After it was all said and done I dropped Mark off at his house and went back to work, trying to figure out how I was going to get 2 cars home after work. Tough one. After a few unproductive hours at work I headed home. After finally getting my 2 vehicles home I hit the roads w/Christmas shopping in mind. Of course I hit the stores that were the farthest away.

Unfortunately it rained all night; I really want to drive The Owner (trying out names for her) on dry pavement to get to know her a little bit. She is squirrelly in the rain due to the texture of her tires (I have been told multiple times to buy a winter set and keep the stock ones for summer) so I am not really getting a feel for the capability of this monster.

On my shopping mission I stopped by my parent's house to show them The Bitch and Dad immediately hopped in the driver's seat, he was ready to go! After taking the car for a ride down highway 99 doing 90mph we headed back. The only words out of his mouth were how nice my car is and how "criminally fast" it is. He couldn't say enough about it and kept telling Mom that she HAS to drive it.

Tomorrow I plan on getting some photos taken and posted so you all can see the beauty of The Brutal Boxer Beast (this name was Ross's original idea). Next purchase will be a radar detector; the best one money can buy! Right before I tint the windows and buy a sub.

See ya all on the road in my rear view mirror...

PS) Any input on the names mentioned above???

Part 3 of "The Acquisition of the Subie"

2006-12-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

Whew, today was the big day of approval!! I was approved for an auto loan through BECU w/a relatively low interest rate and the whole process of getting the funds will take an hour or so. Gotta open a savings account, show the bank a copy of the vehicle registration and Bill of Sale then I get a check and off I go…vroom vroom. Markus isn't ready yet, he still has to fix his truck (so he can have a vehicle), tune and lube the Subie, and clean her up. She is a dirty pig right now. Oh, and he has to get the passenger side mirror fixed (his ex knocked it w/her side mirror w/out touching the body of the car…amazingly enough!!!).

Ross and I took the car for another spin today…both of us were on Cloud 9. That car is fucking fast! Second gear has some serious balls and romping on the gas will plaster you back in your seat and make you take notice. We had a blast doing "brake checks" and I am amazed at the smoothness and the completeness of the braking system on this car. But I guess if you are mobbing down the road and you get cut off…
I have never driven anything this powerful and fast and you know what? It feels fucking nice.

(I am becoming obsessed)

Although it isn't a good quality, and I know this, I have always been an aggressive driver and can usually smoke people in my Celica well…at least if they are not expecting a race, LOL. This car might get me in trouble but I think I have enough of a good head on my shoulders that I will be able to either suppress urges (doubtful) or at the very least, not get caught. HA!

I was reading some reviews online about this car and one guy said his gets lots of attention from Honda or Mitsibushi drivers; kids pulling up to him and revving their engines like their cars are sleepers or sumpin. I cant fucking wait to have some jack ass kid pull up next to me, see a chick driver, and proceed to EAT MY DUST.
Just today I had a Ford Escort on my butt trying to keep up w/me on the Boeing Freeway (remember the speed limit on 526 is minimum 120mph…) finally he had to give up and appreciate the fact that a stock Ford (or even a souped up Found On Road Dead) cant hold a candle to my baby.

(Pathetic, I am already referring to it as "my" car.)

Already I am feeling twangs of guilt about having to get rid of the Celica. This is the worst part…it is like I am abandoning a good friend…a friend who is reliable and comfortable; a friend who has done me no wrong. I wish I could keep both cars but I know for a fact that one of them (most likely the Celica) won't be driven much, if at all. I have owned 2 cars before and that is the way it was. Besides we don't have comfortable, easy parking for 3 cars…believe me we lived w/our two new cars in the driveway and Mike's two pieces of shit broken cars in the garage…bass akwards!!

I can't wait to finally claim the Subie as MINE and to be able to get to know it and feel it. This car has so much power I need to take some time to befriend it before I haul off and wreck it. With ejumakation from Ross and maybe an Autocross course or two maybe I will be a race car driver soon enough. Something I have always thought would be a fucking blast…

I hope to have some photos of the actual car very soon but until then the ones I Google will have to do ...

BTW, the above photo is the very same car, year and everything.

Part 2 of "The Acquisition of the Subie"

2006-12-14T20:44:00.000-08:00

So…I am in trouble!! My insurance agent said (giving me a very loose quote since I didn't have the VIN) that my insurance on the STi will only be roughly $100 more every 6 months which I think is amazingly low!!! Or at least lower then I originally expected…guess it helps to have multi car and home owners insurance…and a spotless record .

My ride along buddy at work, Ross, is totally thrilled…I really think he is more excited then I am!! He is all ready to ejumakate me on the working of turbo engines and exhausts and all that "car stuff" that I have never really had a hankering to know about, until now.

Today I got a list of mods from Markus and am fucking ecstatic about the…get this: the Cobb Access port engine management setup with down loadable performance maps. Oh yeah baby, the fucking thing has a "valet map" where I can program my car upon handing it over to valet and kibosh any plans that greasy valet kid had of rally racing it on the way to its parking stall (Ferris-Bueller-style).
It has an "engine kill" map where if for some reason I park it for a long period of time (say at an airport) I can program it so the engine will turn over but will never start.
Even has an "economy map" where if I am driving to Moses (for another tattoo – because that is the only reason I would go to Moses Lake!) it will be running leaner so it will get better gas mileage. Fucking killer! Until now I had NO clue that vehicles were this computerized.

(wow, I think my house just about blew away w/that gust of wind…)

Today I asked myself why I really wanted this car and my answer back (out loud, of course) was "because I can". Why should I ask myself any more questions!?!?
Seriously though, Ally said it best: life is short. I might never get another chance to buy such a killer car…hell I might even go back to a truck phase and never purchase another "car" again…at least I can say I have owned the best of the best.
Besides, Ross has me convinced that it can beat a Porsche. LOL Actually to quote Mr. Ross (whose opinion I trust): "The new sti does 0-60 in 4.6 seconds with 300hp. Your car (by which he means the car I am looking to buy ) has about quite a bit more hp than a really quick stock sti. A 160k Ferrari 355 does it in about 4.7 seconds. 60k BMW m3 in about 5 seconds; 100k Porsche probably about 4.7ish. When I'm done ejumakating you, you'll be able to smoke him. AWD cars can launch effen hard!"
Nuff said.

So I have pretty much made up my mind. I am going to apply for a loan tomorrow once I get the VIN from Markus. Then I need to put the Relica up for sale.
That car has been so good to me…it even fits 2 full sets of dive gear!!! I am such a sap, it kills me to part w/my vehicles. The Ghia was the worst! I think I actually cried! LOL I just have to remember I am upgrading...

Maybe Ross is right…I could get a trailer for the dive gear…HA!!

To buy or not to buy...

2006-12-13T22:19:00.000-08:00

Okay...as most of you know I am a super impulse buyer and I love spending money!! I just about broke the bank at Bath & Body Works a few years back; MAC Cosmetics is sure to have at least one whole paycheck; Dooney & Burke is getting more money then they deserve outta me; a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond is never cheap; I think I own one of each color of the St. John's Bay springtime T's from Penny's…I love stuff. And I am addicted to online shopping! Fortunately for my credit score I make enough money and have few enough bills that I can spoil myself without going into debt and still live comfortably.

Let me set the stage for my latest possible high-priced dilemma…

For my 25th birthday I bought a car: my beloved 2000 Toyota Celica. Carbon blue w/a sun roof, 5-speed manual transmission, clean interior, and extremely low mileage (32k I think it was…not bad for a 4 year old car).

Up until this time my previous cars were all 1987 and older.

I started with a 1973 VW Karmann Ghia (just about the best car I have ever owned); exact car only imagine it bright blue:

When I graduated high school I took a HUGE leap to a 1985 K5 Blazer: big truck - little girl. Photo of the actual vehicle (note the plates…which I still have):

And when the Blazer just about killed me with gas I moved onto a 1987 Toyota Corolla very similar to this hunk of junk:

Finally a 21st century car!! :) My 2000 Celica the day I bought it:

Prior to car shopping I knew that I wanted a 2000 Celica and aside from it needing to have a manual tranny I wanted it to be SILVER. Not too much to ask for I thought…yeah right. Couldn't find a silver one to save my life so when I saw the sparkly carbon blue (yes, it really is blue!!!) I had to have it. I test drove it and I immediately signed papers. This car has been the BEST! No maintenance (except scheduled), quick and speedy, sporty, great gas mileage, just plain fun.

Last year I got a hankering to upgrade my car but I was told (with regret) that Toyota stopped making the Celica and that the new Scion tC was its successor. So for a few months I drooled over the tC…even test drove a few of them…loved it. Very nice cars!!

But I have had an awakening…an epiphany…a hunger! I have decided that I have to become a Subaru owner. Period. Nuff said. End of story.
MUST-HAVE-SUBARU!

Our friend Suzie bought a Forrester and it is an unbelievable scuba vehicle (enter first stirrings of lust). Plenty of power, space, and storage, not to mention the extras you can get added like the cargo liner.

So the Forrester is cute and practical but not exactly what I want. I want…take that back: I CRAVE power. So I take an interest in the Subaru WRX Sport Wagon. Very hot! 224hp 2.5 liter DOHC, turbocharged Subaru Boxer engine…don't quite know what it all means but it has me hot and bothered! :) Get a few custom parts added and some dark ass tint and I have one hot scuba vehicle!! Just about sold…

(Drum roll please...)

In comes Markus. Mark is a friend of mine at work who bought a brand new 2004 Subaru Impreza WRX STi in, well in 2004.
Silver (orgasm), 6 speed, 17" aluminum alloy wheels (also silver), AWD, 300hp 2.5-liter DOHC intercooled, turbocharged Subaru Boxer engine (the list goes on).
All of which has been moded just enough to push at least another 50 – 75 (for you mathematicians that is 350hp!!) down the drivers throat. Oh yeah…very nice car!

And then I drove it.

You had to fucking PEEL me off the ceiling I had so much fun!!! I had a perma-grin for hours following. So what if the Boeing Freeway's speed limit is not 120mph…didn't stop me! I hit 120 without even trying…it was amazing! The guy who was riding along (not Markus) had just about as much fun as I did.

We get back to the office and my ride-along buddy asked Mark if he wanted to sell it…answer was "No thanks". This car is hardly driven and I really doubt Markus rally races the bitch around town. He has Auto-Xed it a few times but it rarely goes anywhere. It has approx 20k on it which is pretty low mileage.

Last week Mark dropped a bombshell on me. He said "I am going to sell my Subie to [insert ride-along's name here]." WHAT!?!
"Yeah, I am going to see if he wants to buy it".
At the time I wasn't interested in buying it because it seemed like such a far flung idea but today…oh have I changed my mind!

So what's the dilemma? Well…should I???

It is a little out of the price range that I wanted to spend on a vehicle (and it is seriously lacking scuba room!) but if I sell my Celica (which I didn't want to do initially) I can pay it down considerably and then refi for a lower monthly.
I won't be paying on my student loans until 6 months after I finish school which is awhile from now.
I have paid off all my credit cards and have very few bills aside from housing expenses.
So what if I pay a few hundred extra dollars for a few months? Right?

That's my dilemma.

I am so serious that I called my insurance agent for a quote today. He didn't call me back quick enough so he will be getting another call from me tomorrow.

Do I really need a Subie?
Do I really need a race car!?!?
Can I really afford the considerable price tag along w/insurance?
What happens if my Celica doesn't sell?

So many questions that it hurts my head. Maybe I should just do it and deal with the question and answer session at a later time.....................

To be continued…

The pain of loss...

2006-12-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

This morning I discovered some tragic news that a friend that I met in college in 1998 and who I dated for a period of time took his own life. I had been seeing strange comments posted on his profile that were saying "good-bye" but I was holding out hope that they were a joke or at best a metaphor for maybe starting a new life after the hurtful breakup he had recently endured. Sadly, the comments were neither; they were the worst-case-scenario.

Granted I wasn't really close to Steve since we broke up but I do know that he was a wonderful person who was full of life and was intelligent and charming. Steve was one of those guys who you could talk to about anything and who could make you love him without him even trying. He was smart (he had a MBA by his very early 20's), he was funny, he had a kind heart, and he loved people (he was a self-proclaimed people whore). He had a passion for words, music, art, and learning.

Every so often life throws stones in our path and we have to navigate around them, sometimes we run over those stones and it creates bumps in our journey. Unfortunately Steve came to a boulder that was so big it was enough to make him want to stop trying to find a way over or around it. The struggle was not worth it enough for him so he ended it.

This is my memorial to Steven; a human being who felt a pain so deep that it killed him. May he live on forever in the memories of his family and friends.

Steve, we will never forget you and we will never stop caring about you; we hope you are happy and that your pain is finally over. Goodbye.

Quotes to share

2006-04-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.-George Washington Carver

Perhaps they are not the stars but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones shines down to let us know they are with us.

The sun gives us light, but the moon provides inspiration. If you look at the sun without shielding your eyes, you'll go blind. If you look at the moon without covering your eyes, you'll become a poet.-Serge Bouchard

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.-Henry Miller

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.-William Jennings Bryant

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. -Author Unknown

The most wonderful thing in life is to be delirious and the most wonderful kind of delirium is being in love. -Yevgeny Zamyatin

Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand. -Chinese Proverb

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.-William Shakespeare

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
-Lao-Tzu